In 2010 I Will...

This year I am not going to set tons of unrealistic goals for myself for the new year. I refuse to stress myself out by trying to be wonder woman and making a laundry list with all of these earth shattering, 360, life changing to-do goals on it.

I did that last year, and while I did accomplish wonderful things such as graduating from college, receiving a prestigious internship in the nation's capital, and being blessed enough to be offered three great jobs; In my own mind, I still fell short of what I wanted to accomplish for '09. Being a perfectionist and always having a "go super sized big or go home" mentality really takes a toll on me. When I feel like I am a loser or failure by not accomplishing a desired task, I tend to fall into depression. The antidepressant pill I take isn't a cure.

This year I am making things easier on my psyche and focusing on simpler, yet still important, goals. I am going to enjoy life and actually stop to take time and smell the roses (I know it sounds corny but it's true). I am going to take as much pleasure in the simple, sometimes taken for granted parts of life, as I do in the big successes and milestones. I rededicating myself to do a better job of showing those close to me how much I love them everyday. I will strive to continue doing the good things I do now better, such as adding more volunteering hours to my schedule, increasing my faith and spirituality by reading the word of God, and continuing to live a healthy lifestyle.

I am going to go into this blessed new year with a light heart, positive attitude, and with the knowledge that life isn't about chasing happiness and successes; life is about actually enjoying living and then those things will find you.

From my family to yours, have a very safe, prosperous, happy, love-filled new year! :)

Sincerely,

Whoo! I Got A New Hairdo!

I got a fancy new hairstyle. I love it so much! It's like Pink meets Agyness Deyn. I get bored with my hair very easily, so I am always on changing it and on the look out for my next hot style. I am already thinking about what to do with it the next time I get bored with this do lol.

CIAO!

Prescription For Panic Rx

I have been so much more stressed then I am usually am these last two months or so. Not only do I have to deal with stress of finding a job in my field, getting ready to attend grad school this coming year, and the regular stress of the holiday season, but I also have to deal with my family's shitty attitudes and behaviors. Let me remind you that I suffer from Anxiety Disorder with panic attacks so things that might moderately annoy a typical person without AD drive me completely up the wall and out on the roof. My family already knowing this, you would think they would try to be at least a tad bit sensitive to me, right (not just because I have AD, but because I'm a PERSON living with them) Fucking wrong! They are so disrespectful.

First, my mom thinks that just because I moved back in with them to try to better weather this recession and save money, that she gets the right to keep me confined to these four walls. When I do try to leave I find myself either assaulted by a barrage of a thousand odd questions, OR in an argument. Great options I have there. I'm 23 years old, and I lived by myself in Daytona Beach and Washington, DC!! I don't need a keeper! I have to almost sneak out to even drive to Leesburg or Orlando to meet friends or hangout. So of course it's easier to just stay in most of the time (which is what she loves) so I wind up not going out anywhere unless it's to a doctor's appointment or something else I HAVE to do, but nothing for leisure.

Yeah, I am totally going stir crazy and becoming depressed. Then, my little sister who's 18 has got this bad habit of borrowing stuff like my jewelry and my iPhone without permission of course. She thinks it's no big deal. She's extremely immature. So, it's not even worth it to argue with her over it. The most I can do is lock up my jewelry cases (which is an inconvenience when I need to get to it) and activate the passcode for my iPhone. I hope I find a job soon so maybe I can save up enough to get a condo or apartment VERY soon, because this is insane.












Sincerely,

Are You Kidding Me??!

I am more that a little disappointed with Congress at this point in time. First, Joe Lieberman is allowed to filibuster the Senate Healthcare Bill without any real fear of losing his chairmanship. Why would he do such a thing, you ask? Because he's in the back pocket of medical insurance companies. Independent my ass. Then, Congress has several members (i.e. Representative Pelosi and Senator Vitter to name a few) that feel that their state's pet projects are more important than money for our nation's healthcare system. Now, Congress wants to vote to spend more than $2.5 billion on purchasing new C-17 aircrafts for the military when the Pentagon is even telling them that the military already has enough and more of these aircrafts are not needed.

What an amazing example of needless spending on our Governments part. The Republicans are of course in full support of this $2.5 billion dollar project, oh but they say that ensuring that all Americans have access to affordable healthcare is a bigger waste of tax payer dollars. The Senate is expected to vote on the healthcare bill on Christmas Eve, and I am praying that they pass it. That would be a great Christmas present for so many people in this nation.

I remain hopeful that the Senate will do what's right, with gay marriage to be legalized in Washington, DC tomorrow by Mayor Fenty, and federal money going back into stem cell research, I see big signs of societal progress all around. I hope that by next week I will be able to count healthcare reform as another victory for our nation's people.

Yours Truly,

Sent from my iPhone

Makes Me Want To Scream

I hate how non-profit organizations and healthcare agencies freeze their hirings until after the holidays. I am ready to be working damn it! I turned down corporate job offers (mind you I would have been able to start those jobs immediately) so I could be part of something that was more beneficial to people. The human resource managers at the healthcare advocate firm in Ocala and at another similar job I applied to told me that they were just conducting interviews and reviewing resumes and credentials at this point, but that they wouldn't make their final decision and hire anyone until after the holidays were over. I hate always being told that I have to wait on something I REALLY want! It feels like I am always waiting these days. Waiting for grad school to start next year, waiting to start work, waiting to meet Mr. Right. It. Fucking. Sucks.

Yours Truly,

Hold Your Head Up Baby

I watched the Robin Roberts interview with Janet Jackson this morning. It was really powerful. This was her first time talking to the press since her brother's sudden death in June. People don't give Janet enough credit. She really is a very strong and courageous, not to mention talented, woman. She came from one of the most famous families in the world and was able to successfully step out of their shadow and into her own.

Janet spoke about how the support of her family, along with remembering all the wonderful times she had with Michael, (or Mike, as she lovingly refers to him as) are helping her to heal. She also talked about the new book she has written about how she came to accept herself, and be happy with her body and who she is. Robin asked Janet about her weight issues that have made tabloids in the past.

Janet talked about how she's dealt with low self-esteem due to her weight gain and other body image issues. She talks about how she recently overcame the feelings of low self-worth with the help and love of her long time boyfriend Jermaine Dupri (they have broken up but Janet said they still remain very close friends), and some deep soul-searching on her part.

I can totally relate to those feelings of low self-worth. There have been times in my life, I am sad and ashamed to say, that I have let the negative way I viewed myself stop me from doing certain things. My weight has always been something I've struggled with my whole life. Trying to deal with how I feel about being overweight has even caused me to suffer bouts of deep depression.

In my head I think things like, "Gabrielle that guy is never going to like you because you're not pretty or thin enough." "Gabrielle you can't wear that dress because you're thighs are too fat." "Will people laugh at me or talk behind my back when I show up to the pool party wearing a two piece bathing suit?" This kind of thinking really takes a toll on a person.

The media, along with other stupid ass people who agree with it, constantly try to force feed this unrealistic standard of what the "perfect body" should look like. It's no wonder we pick ourselves apart when we feel like we don't make the grade. We've all felt like this at one point or another-like we're not good enough because of our bodies. And people who tell you that they haven't are straight lying to your face.

The key is to be aware that this is a problem that can destroy your life if you don't confront it. Loving yourself in this society we live in is pretty much a constant struggle from day to day. It's super important that we work on building ourselves up instead of tearing ourselves down. Beauty comes in all different shapes, forms, and sizes. We mustn't let what a few ignorant sources say determine the amount of love we have for ourselves.

With Love,

Sent from my iPhone

Just Dance

Yesterday I went to my first jazz dance class and I loved it! I love the other gals in the class with me and the instructor (whom I've know like forever, her and my mom used to teach at the same school). The class is not only fun, but great exercise. We warm up to upbeat music (i.e. Rihanna's Breaking Dishes, one of the three songs we warmed up to last night) using jazzercise techniques.

I have been dancing and performing off and on pretty much my whole life. I did ballet and took theatre from age 4 to 11. I started playing and performing in bands and recitals with the tenor saxophone, trombone, and oboe when I was 12; and I still do play the sax. I did tap from age 15 to 19.

The main point being, that I have always loved the performing arts. I am stoked to be back dancing again. Jazz dance is super stellar. The steps and moves are cool. I can't wait til our recital comes around in June (our costumes are going to be so rad too)!


Yours Truly,












Sent from my iPhone

Become A Motto Citizen

What quote or words do you live by? What phrase inspires you to be the best you can be? What is your personal motto? The dictionary defines motto as a brief statement used to express a principle, goal, or ideal. That's also true, but a personal motto is more commonly defined as a saying that sums up someone's beliefs, outlook on life, or their purpose for living.

Do you have one? If you do, then great for you! When a person has a personal motto it is a good sign that they know what drives them and who they are. Developing a personal motto forces a person to look deep into themselves in order to evaluate what is important to them. Once a person chooses a motto to live by they are a lot closer to knowing what they want out of life and what makes them tick.

My personal motto is "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." This is a very famous quote by Mahatma Gandhi. It really sums up my belief on why I was put on this Earth. I was put here by God to make a positive difference on this planet. I always think of this phrase to make sure my daily conduct lines up with it. I would like to see people be kinder to one another, stand up to those who do wrong, and get involved in charity.

So these are the things that I do. I am kind to people, I call people on their wrongs and try to show them why they are wrong (although they don't always listen) to hopefully inspire them to make a positive change, and I volunteer my time to charities devoted to animals and needy families.

If you don't have a personal motto you live by, I strongly suggest that you start developing one. Reading philosophical and religious works, studying Latin sayings, and listening to positive music will help get you on your way to finding that one phrase that sums up your view of the world. Choose it carefully and thoughtfully. Once you have it, follow it as closely as you can.

Sincerely,

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

The title of this blog obviously comes from a very popular Christmas song by Perry Como and The Fontane Sisters with Mitchell Ayres and his orchestra. I also like Bing Crosby's version. This is my second favorite Christmas song of all time (my most favorite being The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole). Okay, enough about me, the title of this song is really true. Here in Lake County it really is looking a lot like Christmas. The street lamps have on their Christmas banners and garland, stores have all their Christmas decorations up, and the local cities along with private residences have their Christmas lights up on display for the world to see. And soon Queenie will undergo her holiday season facelift;) Anyways, here are some pics that I took at last Friday's Light Up Eustis fest.

Ciao!