Keep Your Head Up

The stress of the past few days and the emotional roller coaster has been a little more than bearable. Not only have I been running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to make preparations for my college graduation day this Saturday (i.e. I still need a dress, my hair done, pick-up tickets, and attend pre-graduation functions like rehearsals at my university), but my mother has been very ill and I have been trying to take care of her and worry about trying to fix everything. I (along with my sister) have also been trying to keep the house running smoothly by doing all the chores she usually does. Things have been really hectic and stressful. It's hard for me to see my mother feel so bad and she works so hard at her job and is the nicest, sweetest person ever. I totally see where that cliche question "Why does it seem to rain the hardest on the people who deserve the sun the most?" came from. They were clearly talking about my mom and other people like her. My mother is the most strong-willed and determined lil' 135 pound lady you could ever meet.

My mom has high blood pressure (hypertension) issues which causes extreme dizziness, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, and horrible migraines. Over the past 2 years or so she has had her gal bladder removed, a complete hysterectomy, and another major surgery which I am not going to name. Over the past 3 years she has also had countless trips to the hospital due to complications from surgery or medications, or because the doctors just didn't know what was wrong with her so they just sent her to the ER. Once she even collapsed at work and they had to call the ambulance. To top it all off, we just found out today that she has cysts on her thyroid which could have been causing the hypertension all along but no one caught it until now. I am praying that surgery is not the only answer for that. The recovery process is so awful.

It's so heartbreaking to see my mother go through this. And of course, the stress and frustration from being sick cause her to feel depressed and blue a lot; so it takes a big toll on her emotionally as well. Not only does it stress me and my siblings out but the stress it puts on my daddy is terrible too. It frustrates and hurts him to see his wife in agony and there is nothing he can do to fix it. He is a real tough trooper though. He schedules the majority of her doctor's appointments and gets her medicines straight, he spends hours online and on the phone researching her conditions and possible remedies, and even fusses at the doctors and staff when he feels they aren't doing good enough. However, I can't let him worry to much and run himself in the ground because he's got his own health issues.

So I just called and got my momma a sub teacher for tomorrow (she's a teacher) and made her some food. She hasn't had much of an appetite though. :/ I just want her to be okay you know. I want the old her back. The one that laughed 24/7 and had energy and zest coming out of the wazoo. I just want everything in my world to be...okay. So if you're a person of faith, just pray for my mother and out family next time you're talking to God.