Non-Attraction Reaction

What do you do when sparks just don't fly? I know that most, if not all of us, have had some experience where they met someone and the other person wanted more than to just be friends and you just weren't interested. Also, many of us have been that person who desperately wanted a relationship to progress into something else and the person we were pursuing just didn't feel the same way about us. No matter what end you are on it sucks either way.

It is hard to tell someone who really likes you that you don't feel the same about them. It's even harder to have to hear it. It can be devastating and heartbreaking. There are books out there like He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, that tell readers what 'signs' to look for when a person isn't feeling the same about you as you feel about them. These types of books sell thousands of copies because no one wants to be that person who has to feel the stinging pain and embarrassment of being rejected by someone you really like or even love. However, if you are very active in the dating world and out there on the prowl for that special someone, it is almost inevitable that you will be that person at least once. Fortunately, there have been numerous self-help books written on how to deal with heartbreak when it's you that has to hear that you're not what someone is looking for in a companion.

Sadly, very little seems to exist on how to deal when it's you being pursued and you are not feeling the same chemistry as your pursuer. I guess writers and psychologists assume this is the easier situation and there's no need for it to be explained, because in this scenario you're not the one who has to get over the heartbreak; that's someone else's hurdle. I guess you're just supposed to call the person up, shoot them a text, or meet them after hours for a beer and say something like, "Hunnie, you are a great gal/guy, but I just don't want the same thing for us as you do."

The truth is, letting someone down easy (or as easy as possible) is just as touchy a subject. It can be very hard to tell someone who you think is a great person and all but you just don't want to be their boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, etc. Knowing that you have to tell someone this can even cause anxiety and feelings of guilt. I think that it comes natural to most people to want to be nice and not be that jerk who has to hurt someone else's feelings. BUT at the same time, you don't deserve to be unhappy or uncomfortable either. There is only one thing to do: you have to tell them, and soon. The longer a person puts it off and procrastinates and drags out a situation like this, the worse the end result will be. The problem is that most people don't follow this rule. The average person will see that someone is more interested in them than they are the other person and will string them along for awhile, either intentionally or unintentionally.

This makes the situation even worse, because when you do finally tell them you may have ruined all chances of the two of you being friends or even cordial acquaintances. It's true that busted egos, broken hearts, and torn and tattered friendships have always been possible casualties when relationships don't work out or go wrong, but at the end of the day, the goal is to be able to sleep easy at night knowing you did all you could to make the other person's burden as light as possible.