What the hell does Gwen Stefani mean by a holla back girl anyway? I never really understood it, but I figured it would be a nice title for this blog since I am hitting you back to update you on my progress since this morning's yucky panic episode. (*side bar: My friend Tiffany is going to a No Doubt concern this month, a she has seats very close to the stage. Maybe I could ask her to see if she can ask Gwen what exactly a holla back girl is, since everyone else keeps giving me different and crazy answers every single time I ask.)
I am writing for the second time today (the first post being about my panic attack early this morning ), and I am feeling way better than I was when I posted Panic With Me Please. I am still not feeling 100 but I'm well on my way there. I feel a little jittery now and have some muscle soreness and tightness, but nothing too horrible *Gabby keeps fingers and toes crossed.* Anyways, today was nothing to write home about; pretty uneventful. I just slept until about noon (the day after a bad panic attack I always feel so damn drained still), got up and checked some shit on the Internet, had a late lunch at about 3PM, spoke with boyfriend and my friend Tiffany via my lame-ass 2002 cell phone (I broke my awesome pink slider phone back in November and I can't get an upgrade until July 27, 2009, so I am stuck with a cheap one I found new off of Amazon), and then I took another nap....lame. I then got up at about 6PM and went with my mom to the grocery store five minutes from our house. We bought stuff to make dinner with along with fruit, microwavable snacks, juice, eggs, and sandwich meat. For dinner we had turkey burgers and salad:) So yummy!
Moving right along now, I have decided that I love Twitter more than Myspace. Twitter is way more interactive and advanced. I love talking to all the people and I have met way more cool peeps on there than my Myspace. I will probably begin to use Myspace less and less and Twitter all the time; wait, that has already happened though... Anyways, I think that Lebron James is such a little bitch for not shaking any of the Magic players' hands last night and leaving the arena without saying anything to the media. When asked about it today he said he was too angry and upset to be a good sport. People need to get it together and quit acting like babies all the damn time. It's just a damn game and your ass is getting paid millions of dollars whether you win or lose, so why the fucking attitude?! He needs to be mad at himself for the way he played last night contributing to his team's loss.
I'm also going to need people to quit hating on President Obama for no reason at all or for dumb stuff. One of the latest attacks on him is because he flew his wife to a Broadway and out to eat in New York City. He said he was keeping good on a promise he made to her while they were on the campaign trail. He said he would take her to see any Broadway show she wanted when everything was all done with. Why is that so bad?! Why is it wrong when a man puts his family first? People are saying he is all flash and no substance and that he is wasting tax payer money for ALL of his extravagant getaways. He didn't even take Air Force 1 for crying out loud! I can count twice he has used his resources for personal things and there was no business involved in it, whereas Bush used to fly home to Texas or go on hunting expeditions like every other weekend when he was President and no one said anything. If you want to attack a politician then attack them on their policies, not petty ass things regarding their personal life.
I think that is all I want to talk about for now. Off to bed soon. Gotta go and look for a summer job again tomorrow. D.C. Fall internship, hurry on up and get here already!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Panic With Me Please
I just had the worst panic attack I have had since my very first one nearly a year ago (I wonder if subconsciously the anniversary of the panic coming up soon could have something to do with this attack). It was just as scary as the first one, and even though I knew that it was a panic attack in the very back of my mind, I still freaked. What the hell is it about these things that makes a person think without a doubt that they are dying?!!? When I am having an attack I just KNOW that I am spending my last few minutes on Earth and that I am going to die in a matter of seconds. Then I start to picture all the people I love in my head and I wonder what they're gonna do without me.
The thoughts going through my head are ones like: "Oh my God, I am really gonna die and be dead like all those other people I hear about on the news." "I am going to take a ride in a long black hearse." "This is it, I am really gone." I then picture people all the peopleI know at my funeral and I imagine myself in the coffin. Anyways, it's really fucked up. It must sound so crazy I know, but those are the thoughts racing through my head at light years speed. Death is such a surreal thing for most of us. People always have this feeling like they are never going to die and death is something that happens to other people but never to them. Those thoughts and feelings of death are the worst part of a panic attack to me; it's even worse than the pounding and racing heart beat and the extreme heat flashes inside my body.
After a panic attack can be just as devastating as during it. The feelings of unreality and detachment that start when you are having the attack get even stronger after the attack is over (at least for me it does). I also feel really weak, tired, nauseated, foggy minded, and cold and clammy after the attack too. It usually takes about 5 hours for me to kinda start to feel normal again (God knows I haven't really felt normal for almost a year now though).
The panic attack woke me up from my sleep. That was a new experience. I found out that panic attacks are even more startling and scary when they wake you up from a deep sleep. I was just standing in my room totally freaking out with the room spinning, aura colored dots appearing all in my vision, my heart racing and pounding in my sore chest, my labored breathing, death thoughts, and my hot flashes. I tried talking myself down but damn it, I couldn't focus long enough for it too work. I then tried turning the shower on my face but that didn't help either. I finally had to go and find my dad to help me calm down. He was in his bathroom getting ready to shower...I opened the door on him...that was an even bigger shock than the panic attack coming while I was sleeping. Good thing I was too focused on me dying to notice he was naked. There's always a bright side to everything I guess :). When I have panic attacks I don't think straight so of course knocking was out of the question. I was dying remember?
Anyways, he threw on his robe and came out and helped me calm down by reminding me it was only panic and anxiety and that I didn't need the hospital because I wasn't dying or having a heart attack. He also stayed up and watched TV with me for an extra hour until both he and I were sure I was okay. It is so embarrassing to have to have your father help you feel better like you're 4 years old again, but I was really thankful he did. He is starting to try to be more understanding and tolerant of my...condition or whatever, and I am so very grateful for that.
Thinking back on what may have triggered this, I think it may have been the spicy and salty foods I have been eating in excess lately. I will definitely have to stop using those foods again. I just started eating them again recently because I have been on a diet for the past year. So that may have a lot to do with it. Salt, sugar, and caffeine have all been known to trigger panic attacks and anxiety. I am going to try to go back to bed now and relax. I'll write more later.
xoxoxo,
Gabby
The thoughts going through my head are ones like: "Oh my God, I am really gonna die and be dead like all those other people I hear about on the news." "I am going to take a ride in a long black hearse." "This is it, I am really gone." I then picture people all the peopleI know at my funeral and I imagine myself in the coffin. Anyways, it's really fucked up. It must sound so crazy I know, but those are the thoughts racing through my head at light years speed. Death is such a surreal thing for most of us. People always have this feeling like they are never going to die and death is something that happens to other people but never to them. Those thoughts and feelings of death are the worst part of a panic attack to me; it's even worse than the pounding and racing heart beat and the extreme heat flashes inside my body.
After a panic attack can be just as devastating as during it. The feelings of unreality and detachment that start when you are having the attack get even stronger after the attack is over (at least for me it does). I also feel really weak, tired, nauseated, foggy minded, and cold and clammy after the attack too. It usually takes about 5 hours for me to kinda start to feel normal again (God knows I haven't really felt normal for almost a year now though).
The panic attack woke me up from my sleep. That was a new experience. I found out that panic attacks are even more startling and scary when they wake you up from a deep sleep. I was just standing in my room totally freaking out with the room spinning, aura colored dots appearing all in my vision, my heart racing and pounding in my sore chest, my labored breathing, death thoughts, and my hot flashes. I tried talking myself down but damn it, I couldn't focus long enough for it too work. I then tried turning the shower on my face but that didn't help either. I finally had to go and find my dad to help me calm down. He was in his bathroom getting ready to shower...I opened the door on him...that was an even bigger shock than the panic attack coming while I was sleeping. Good thing I was too focused on me dying to notice he was naked. There's always a bright side to everything I guess :). When I have panic attacks I don't think straight so of course knocking was out of the question. I was dying remember?
Anyways, he threw on his robe and came out and helped me calm down by reminding me it was only panic and anxiety and that I didn't need the hospital because I wasn't dying or having a heart attack. He also stayed up and watched TV with me for an extra hour until both he and I were sure I was okay. It is so embarrassing to have to have your father help you feel better like you're 4 years old again, but I was really thankful he did. He is starting to try to be more understanding and tolerant of my...condition or whatever, and I am so very grateful for that.
Thinking back on what may have triggered this, I think it may have been the spicy and salty foods I have been eating in excess lately. I will definitely have to stop using those foods again. I just started eating them again recently because I have been on a diet for the past year. So that may have a lot to do with it. Salt, sugar, and caffeine have all been known to trigger panic attacks and anxiety. I am going to try to go back to bed now and relax. I'll write more later.
xoxoxo,
Gabby
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Angel
I went to Daytona to see my sweetheart today and I had so much fun. I really love him and he treats me amazing! He always cooks for me, opens doors for me, shows me respect and makes sure others respect me, makes me laugh, listens to me, loves to hold my hand, and he calls me his angel and his sunshine. Today I arrived at his place about noon and he cooked for me (lunch and dinner) and then took me shopping. He bought me a super cute purse I picked out, Paris Hilton Perfume, and an awesome little girly t-shirt.
I know what you are thinking, he sounds too good to be true. No, he really is that amazing. In fact, he's a little more than amazing ;) lol. I feel so blessed to have someone like him in my life. All those years of me and my parents praying for my future mate payed off.
I know what you are thinking, he sounds too good to be true. No, he really is that amazing. In fact, he's a little more than amazing ;) lol. I feel so blessed to have someone like him in my life. All those years of me and my parents praying for my future mate payed off.
Curly Top
Today, well, yesterday, since it's now after 12AM, I went to the hair salon with my mom and sisters and I got my hair curled again (I have a leisure curl that I get touched up and reapplied every 3 months). It looks sp freaking fabulous! I love when I get fresh curls! But before I went to the hair salon I made a short trip to Office Depot to have an official request for copies of my transcripts sent. We have a fax machine at our house, but it's been out of commission for awhile. When you graduate from my university you get two free official transcripts along with your degree. I needed to send a transcript request form to receive mine early because I can't wait the six weeks to get them in the mail due to a deadline I have to meet for the Washington Centre (the institution responsible for scheduling my internship on Capitol Hill).
I had to wait for a bit in the line to get my stuff faxed because some lady who didn't have her shit together and didn't even have the right fax number to send her stuff with, was in front of the line holding up everybody in the world (she eventually was made to leave because she couldn't figure it out). Anyways, when the Office Depot associate finally got to me I realized that I recognized her from school. I used to be in middle school band with her and she graduate from my high school 3 years before me. She looks pretty much the same, fair skin, thin build, three gold hoops in her ears, pretty lips, but now her hair is light blonde instead of auburn like it was when we were in school together. She's had a baby too, but you can't tell by looking at her though. After I told her where I knew her from she was like, "I thought you looked familiar." She rung me up, congratulated me on graduating college and my internship in D.C. this Fall, and then I was on my way.
I felt pretty good today as far as my anxiety goes. However, towards the end of the day I began to feel anxious, get a little dizzy, experience depersonalization, feel flushed, and feel that feeling of impending doom and like I was going to die. I especially hate that last symptom. The impending doom and death feeling. It's a real bummer and scary as hell. You know, I was just thinking today while I was driving home from the salon and those bad feelings started, that I was never told by my physician exactly what it is that I have. He just told me that the two nights I rushed myself to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack or dying, I just had really severe panic attacks. He told me a have a problem with anxiety, gave me some prescriptions for pills (50mg of Pristiq and 10mg of Buspirone ) and that was that. He never said you have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) or you have Panic Disorder. I have been back to him on several occasions for check-ups and all and he has never told me. Maybe I should ask him on my next appointment.
I now take 100mg of Pristiq once a day and 10mg of Buspirone twice a day. I had always assumed that I just had GAD, but as I have been getting more involved with http://www.dailystrength.org/ (a social networking site where people dealing with any sort of problems ranging from anxiety and Bipolar Disorder to shopping addiction and deep vein thrombosis, talk, give support, and share advice with each other), and as I read up on the types of anxiety disorders myself, I am now beginning to think that I have Panic Disorder because the physical symptoms are right on. I do always fear another attack of some sort, and when I feel panicky or worried my heart does the irregular beats and palpitations, my palms get sweaty, I get dizzy, I feel as though nothing is real, depersonalization kicks in, I get a headache and sometimes even irritated bowels (yuckie, I know).
A lot of times I wonder why this had to happen to me. I don't understand it. I mean I know that everyone has their own cross to bear and that there are people out there in this crazy, fucked up world who have challenges and shit to deal with way worse than what I have to deal with, but it just doesn't seem fair to me that there are people who are completely "normal" (and by normal I mean without physical, emotional, or mental disorders/disabilities), and I just wonder why couldn't I have remained one of them. I used to be "normal." I miss those days. Yes, I know I am whining like a little bitch, but i don't care because I'm hurt, frustrated, and angry at my present predicament. My friend Heather who suffers from BP II and PTSD put it best, "It's like my world has been painted in different colors, and nothing will ever look, feel, or be the same ever again."
There are bad, mean, suckie ass people in this world who live happy and without a care in the world. I am a good gal who tries to do right by everyone, treat people good, rescue stray cats and dogs, go to school to make something out of myself so I can contribute to society positively, and then I get stuck with this lame ass mental disorder and it really sucks. I have tried to rationalize it by saying maybe I wasn't good enough for God, like maybe I didn't go to church enough, I didn't pray hard enough, or I wasn't a strong enough believer and that's why he let it happen. So everytime I listen to a song on my MP3 with vulgar language or when I use a curse word, I wonder if that is just adding on to my struggle by displeasing God. I am Christian girl who wants to please God, and these are the types of thoughts and fears I wrestle with in regards to my anxiety/panic disorder.
Okay, enough about that depressing shit already. I am going to Daytona to see my baby today! I am so excited to be with him. He loves me and treats me so good. I feel so amazing when I am with him. Can't wait! :)
I had to wait for a bit in the line to get my stuff faxed because some lady who didn't have her shit together and didn't even have the right fax number to send her stuff with, was in front of the line holding up everybody in the world (she eventually was made to leave because she couldn't figure it out). Anyways, when the Office Depot associate finally got to me I realized that I recognized her from school. I used to be in middle school band with her and she graduate from my high school 3 years before me. She looks pretty much the same, fair skin, thin build, three gold hoops in her ears, pretty lips, but now her hair is light blonde instead of auburn like it was when we were in school together. She's had a baby too, but you can't tell by looking at her though. After I told her where I knew her from she was like, "I thought you looked familiar." She rung me up, congratulated me on graduating college and my internship in D.C. this Fall, and then I was on my way.
I felt pretty good today as far as my anxiety goes. However, towards the end of the day I began to feel anxious, get a little dizzy, experience depersonalization, feel flushed, and feel that feeling of impending doom and like I was going to die. I especially hate that last symptom. The impending doom and death feeling. It's a real bummer and scary as hell. You know, I was just thinking today while I was driving home from the salon and those bad feelings started, that I was never told by my physician exactly what it is that I have. He just told me that the two nights I rushed myself to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack or dying, I just had really severe panic attacks. He told me a have a problem with anxiety, gave me some prescriptions for pills (50mg of Pristiq and 10mg of Buspirone ) and that was that. He never said you have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) or you have Panic Disorder. I have been back to him on several occasions for check-ups and all and he has never told me. Maybe I should ask him on my next appointment.
I now take 100mg of Pristiq once a day and 10mg of Buspirone twice a day. I had always assumed that I just had GAD, but as I have been getting more involved with http://www.dailystrength.org/ (a social networking site where people dealing with any sort of problems ranging from anxiety and Bipolar Disorder to shopping addiction and deep vein thrombosis, talk, give support, and share advice with each other), and as I read up on the types of anxiety disorders myself, I am now beginning to think that I have Panic Disorder because the physical symptoms are right on. I do always fear another attack of some sort, and when I feel panicky or worried my heart does the irregular beats and palpitations, my palms get sweaty, I get dizzy, I feel as though nothing is real, depersonalization kicks in, I get a headache and sometimes even irritated bowels (yuckie, I know).
A lot of times I wonder why this had to happen to me. I don't understand it. I mean I know that everyone has their own cross to bear and that there are people out there in this crazy, fucked up world who have challenges and shit to deal with way worse than what I have to deal with, but it just doesn't seem fair to me that there are people who are completely "normal" (and by normal I mean without physical, emotional, or mental disorders/disabilities), and I just wonder why couldn't I have remained one of them. I used to be "normal." I miss those days. Yes, I know I am whining like a little bitch, but i don't care because I'm hurt, frustrated, and angry at my present predicament. My friend Heather who suffers from BP II and PTSD put it best, "It's like my world has been painted in different colors, and nothing will ever look, feel, or be the same ever again."
There are bad, mean, suckie ass people in this world who live happy and without a care in the world. I am a good gal who tries to do right by everyone, treat people good, rescue stray cats and dogs, go to school to make something out of myself so I can contribute to society positively, and then I get stuck with this lame ass mental disorder and it really sucks. I have tried to rationalize it by saying maybe I wasn't good enough for God, like maybe I didn't go to church enough, I didn't pray hard enough, or I wasn't a strong enough believer and that's why he let it happen. So everytime I listen to a song on my MP3 with vulgar language or when I use a curse word, I wonder if that is just adding on to my struggle by displeasing God. I am Christian girl who wants to please God, and these are the types of thoughts and fears I wrestle with in regards to my anxiety/panic disorder.
Okay, enough about that depressing shit already. I am going to Daytona to see my baby today! I am so excited to be with him. He loves me and treats me so good. I feel so amazing when I am with him. Can't wait! :)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tambourine
Not so much to talk about today. The day just sorta came and went. It just got done raining really bad. Well, the rain wasn't all that terrible, but the thunder and lightning was. I just got finished applying another coat of my Avon Dusky Cherry nail polish (my fave) to my toes and am waiting for them to dry while I listen to LFO's Girl On Tv (old skool song I know, but I love it). It's so humid in Florida this time of year, I can barely stand it. Anyways, I am going to get my hair did (lol) tomorrow and get the curl reapplied to it, and I am so happy cause I have tons of new growth. I go see my sweetie on Saturday so I need to look really nice for him. He is supposed to take me shopping;) I just got off the phone with him. I woke him up from his nap lol. I said I would call him back later and let him sleep some more. He studies and reads all the time. He is studying to get his Masters in Aeronautical Engineering. The classes at Embry Riddle are so hard.
My ring bases still aren't here yet! I am really starting to get really pissed now because it's been over 20 days since I ordered them. They should be here by now even if they are coming from China. I spoke to the vendor via etsy mail and she said to wait a couple of more days and then she would contact her postal service. I already have a tracking number but all it tells me is that it left China but won't give me a "where the hell is it right now" location. I need them soon because I have over 40 orders and the people are waiting. So sucks.
ANYWAYS, I think that is it. Oh, President Obama has chosen a Supreme Court nominee to replace Justice David Souter who plans to retire when the court session ends in June. I was so excited because this gave President Obama the opportunity to make his very first Supreme Court pick. Supreme Court Justices are appointed for life or until they retire so it is extremely important to put people there who will make a lasting difference for good because they will be there long after a President's term ends.
He has chosen to nominate Judge Sonia Sotomayor, who rose from a Bronx housing project to the heights of the U.S. Court of Appeals. If she makes it through the Congressional nomination hearings she will make history by becoming America's first Latina Supreme Court Justice. I think she is a wonderful pick because she has a distinguished career that spans three decades and has worked at almost every level of our judicial system. She also didn't come from a privileged upbringing and I believe that humble beginnings help to keep a person humble throughout their life. It helps to keep you in touch with people.
President Clinton appointed Judge Sotomayor to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit in 1998. She is the first Latina to serve on that court, and has participated in over 3000 panel decisions, authoring roughly 400 published opinions. Sitting on the Second Circuit, Judge Sotomayor has tackled a range of questions: from difficult issues of constitutional law, to complex procedural matters, to lawsuits involving complicated business organizations. In this context, Sotomayor is widely admired as a judge with a sophisticated grasp of legal doctrine. Sotomayor also has keen awareness of the law’s impact on everyday life.
Active in oral arguments, she works tirelessly to probe both the factual details and the legal doctrines in the cases before her and to arrive at decisions that are faithful to both. She understands that upholding the rule of law means going beyond legal theory to ensure consistent, fair, common-sense application of the law to real-world facts. For example, In United States v. Reimer, Judge Sotomayor wrote an opinion revoking the US citizenship for a man charged with working for the Nazis in World War II Poland, guarding concentration camps and helping empty the Jewish ghettos. And in Lin v. Gonzales and a series of similar cases, she ordered renewed consideration of the asylum claims of Chinese women who experienced or were threatened with forced birth control, evincing in her opinions a keen awareness of those women’s plights.
Other nominations that came just today are: Gordon Heddell, Inspector General, Department of Defense; Ellen Murray, Assistant Secretary for Resources and Technology, Department of Health and Human Services; Polly Trottenberg, Assistant Secretary for Transportation Policy, Department of Transportation; and James J. Markowsky, Assistant Secretary for Fossil Energy, Department of Energy. The President said on their nominations, "Each of these individuals brings extensive expertise in their chosen fields, and they are joining my administration at a time when we face great challenges. Their experience and knowledge of the issues will be important as we move forward to put America on a path to prosperity and security. I am grateful for their decision to serve."
And that's all for now Folks, Ciao!
My ring bases still aren't here yet! I am really starting to get really pissed now because it's been over 20 days since I ordered them. They should be here by now even if they are coming from China. I spoke to the vendor via etsy mail and she said to wait a couple of more days and then she would contact her postal service. I already have a tracking number but all it tells me is that it left China but won't give me a "where the hell is it right now" location. I need them soon because I have over 40 orders and the people are waiting. So sucks.
ANYWAYS, I think that is it. Oh, President Obama has chosen a Supreme Court nominee to replace Justice David Souter who plans to retire when the court session ends in June. I was so excited because this gave President Obama the opportunity to make his very first Supreme Court pick. Supreme Court Justices are appointed for life or until they retire so it is extremely important to put people there who will make a lasting difference for good because they will be there long after a President's term ends.
He has chosen to nominate Judge Sonia Sotomayor, who rose from a Bronx housing project to the heights of the U.S. Court of Appeals. If she makes it through the Congressional nomination hearings she will make history by becoming America's first Latina Supreme Court Justice. I think she is a wonderful pick because she has a distinguished career that spans three decades and has worked at almost every level of our judicial system. She also didn't come from a privileged upbringing and I believe that humble beginnings help to keep a person humble throughout their life. It helps to keep you in touch with people.
President Clinton appointed Judge Sotomayor to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit in 1998. She is the first Latina to serve on that court, and has participated in over 3000 panel decisions, authoring roughly 400 published opinions. Sitting on the Second Circuit, Judge Sotomayor has tackled a range of questions: from difficult issues of constitutional law, to complex procedural matters, to lawsuits involving complicated business organizations. In this context, Sotomayor is widely admired as a judge with a sophisticated grasp of legal doctrine. Sotomayor also has keen awareness of the law’s impact on everyday life.
Active in oral arguments, she works tirelessly to probe both the factual details and the legal doctrines in the cases before her and to arrive at decisions that are faithful to both. She understands that upholding the rule of law means going beyond legal theory to ensure consistent, fair, common-sense application of the law to real-world facts. For example, In United States v. Reimer, Judge Sotomayor wrote an opinion revoking the US citizenship for a man charged with working for the Nazis in World War II Poland, guarding concentration camps and helping empty the Jewish ghettos. And in Lin v. Gonzales and a series of similar cases, she ordered renewed consideration of the asylum claims of Chinese women who experienced or were threatened with forced birth control, evincing in her opinions a keen awareness of those women’s plights.
Other nominations that came just today are: Gordon Heddell, Inspector General, Department of Defense; Ellen Murray, Assistant Secretary for Resources and Technology, Department of Health and Human Services; Polly Trottenberg, Assistant Secretary for Transportation Policy, Department of Transportation; and James J. Markowsky, Assistant Secretary for Fossil Energy, Department of Energy. The President said on their nominations, "Each of these individuals brings extensive expertise in their chosen fields, and they are joining my administration at a time when we face great challenges. Their experience and knowledge of the issues will be important as we move forward to put America on a path to prosperity and security. I am grateful for their decision to serve."
And that's all for now Folks, Ciao!
Talking It Over
Me and Oto talked about our feelings and I am now totally convinced that he loves me for real and is really going to make a commitment to be with me. I am so happy and feeling right now. I love him. I am so thankful that I am with a person who loves me and love comes naturally to him. I scream and bitch at him all the time and he just takes it like a man. I flip from sweetie to total bitch in like 2 seconds, and he never yells back or hits me or insults me or anything. He always keeps his cool. I so love him.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I'm Mrs. Brightside...
I am so frustrated and disgusted right now that I could just scream! I haven't found a summer job yet and my brain screams at me everyday, "You should be doing something productive!" I need to work since I am graduated from college. What I should have done is just sucked it up and taken out the damn loan and gone to D.C. to intern this summer like I had originally planned. I am praying that this summer flies by. I have passed out resumes and applied for jobs like I don't know what and still nothing! What does a person with a college degree gotta do to get a job?! I'm not even asking for a full-time position, I will settle for part-time since I leave in the Fall anyways to intern. And when you have a college degree you just don't want to take any job like Burger King drive-thru. You would prefer something with a little more prestige like working in a law office,a bank, a medical office, taking insurance claims, etc. Enough bitching about that. On the relationship front, Oto is driving me crazy with this marriage stuff. He is already making plans to stay here in the U.S. and try to marry me and move with me to D.C. He is again moving light years too fast. Heaven help me.
The #unfollowdiddy Twitter Phenomenon
P. Diddy wanted over 1 million followers and asked people to follow him. And I am not clear why these celebs really care how many followers they have and who because it seems to me that if you're a millionaire then you should have better things to worry about and to tweet about-but guess not. Anyways, I am not sure exactly how the movement got started but a whole bunch of people started to tweet #unfollowdiddy and then give the reason why. I guess people just got sick of celebs begging for followers and then the celebs never follow people back or even make an attempt to interact with their followers and fans. He wants 1,000,000 but only follows like 126. Take that reason and pile it on top of the fact that Diddy is one of those celebs that makes it so easy for you to want to hate him anyways with his egotistical and narcissistic attitude, and you could have seen this coming from a mile away. The #unfollowdiddy tweets are too damn hilarious! But many of them are also very true too! It is number one on the trending topics list. He showed bitchassness that reigns supreme and got pissed and protected his updates lol! He even started a #luvfollowingdiddy movement that has hardly anyone. All this makes me thankful that I never ever followed him to begin with. =)
The reasons to unfollow Diddy ranged from everything from #unfollowdiddy b/c he needs to stop making the band and reunite the other artists and pay them, to #unfollowdiddy b/c no one wants to get signed to a label and then have the Executive CEO singing all over you and dancing in your video. LOL! One of my favorites was #unfollowdiddy b/c he thinks Proactive helps preserve his sexy. Damn fool! I loved that one! Another one said #unfollowdiddy b/c Grey Goose is so much better than his Vodka. #Unfollowdiddy because he sent the Da Band back to Da Hood. I totally agree with that last one.
I really don't care for him personally because I feel like he has forgotten where he came from. From his recent cattle call for only White, Hispanic, and VERY light-skinned African-American women for a promotional for his vodka (he always puts down dark skinned African-Americans. It's very clear that he has some serious self hatred issues), to his constant Making The Bands that never go anywhere because he doesn't promote them or give a damn about the people in them. Those are struggling people who have a real love of music and a dream to perform it just like he did, and then he takes advantage of that by forcing them to do crazy ass shit to try to earn his respect or whatever (like walking to Brooklyn to go get him some cheesecake). Most of the shit he makes them do has nothing to do with preparing them for the music industry. It's just to show how much power he has over them. He then winds up disbanding most of the bands he forms anyways so I don't know why he wastes theirs or his time. He sends them back to the hood, the projects, or wherever else they came from with nothing; to start from the bottom all over again. He's the epitome of disrespectful and everything Black power SHOULDN'T be.
The reasons to unfollow Diddy ranged from everything from #unfollowdiddy b/c he needs to stop making the band and reunite the other artists and pay them, to #unfollowdiddy b/c no one wants to get signed to a label and then have the Executive CEO singing all over you and dancing in your video. LOL! One of my favorites was #unfollowdiddy b/c he thinks Proactive helps preserve his sexy. Damn fool! I loved that one! Another one said #unfollowdiddy b/c Grey Goose is so much better than his Vodka. #Unfollowdiddy because he sent the Da Band back to Da Hood. I totally agree with that last one.
I really don't care for him personally because I feel like he has forgotten where he came from. From his recent cattle call for only White, Hispanic, and VERY light-skinned African-American women for a promotional for his vodka (he always puts down dark skinned African-Americans. It's very clear that he has some serious self hatred issues), to his constant Making The Bands that never go anywhere because he doesn't promote them or give a damn about the people in them. Those are struggling people who have a real love of music and a dream to perform it just like he did, and then he takes advantage of that by forcing them to do crazy ass shit to try to earn his respect or whatever (like walking to Brooklyn to go get him some cheesecake). Most of the shit he makes them do has nothing to do with preparing them for the music industry. It's just to show how much power he has over them. He then winds up disbanding most of the bands he forms anyways so I don't know why he wastes theirs or his time. He sends them back to the hood, the projects, or wherever else they came from with nothing; to start from the bottom all over again. He's the epitome of disrespectful and everything Black power SHOULDN'T be.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Fuck Prop 8
So today the California Supreme Court decided to uphold Proposition 8. That was what I kinda expected to happen. This news was of course crushing to same-sex couples and those who support their right to marry. The ruling conformed with the court's historical reluctance to overturn constitutional amendments. This news way sucks but I know that this fight is, however, far from over. Yet the campaign supporting equal marriage rights for gays and lesbians is far from a total failure. It has sparked a necessary if testy national conversation that almost certainly contributed to new marriage rights for same-sex couples in several other states over the last few months. States like Iowa, New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Maine allow same sex marriage in their state. New York may be joining them very soon too. Rhode Island and D.C. now recognize marriage licenses of same-sex couples issued by other states.I believe that it so wrong to deny people the right to the pursuit of happiness based on sexual orientation, skin color, religious beliefs, disability, gender, or any of that other bull crap like that. It's all just bigotry-plain and simple. They always say state and church are separate, but then use the Bible as the main way to discriminate against people. It is so unbelievably hateful to take God, who is love, and use him and his words to uphold hate and inequality. I really hope and pray that people against this realize what harm they are doing soon and get a grip. Read my words: Just because you're straight it doesn't give you the right to hate!
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. -Abraham Lincoln
The Girl's Got It Going On
Alright here's the deal people, my head is fuzzy, things don't feel real, blankness in my thoughts is my friend right now, I feel like I am flying and things aren't exactly making much sense in my head. I just took my anxiety pill about 10 minutes ago so hopefully the shitty way I am feeling will change soon. Oh, I am also listening to Pandora. It's a free music player that allows you to make your own radio station by putting in artist that you like and then it finds other music similar to that or by that particular artist to play. It's really cool. http://www.pandora.com/ Make an account. I am listening to my Temptations right now! It's so great. I also love my Ashlee Simpson station too. Apparently, I was way behind the curve on this discovery. All my other peeps already knew about it and had accounts. So when I was so excited about it and thought I was telling them something new, they were like, "Yea, I already have one and have been on it for a couple of years now." Imagine my frustration. lol.
Anyways, yesterday I went to the Dirty D. (Daytona Beach) with my friend Tiffany and we bought another one of our mutual friends, Emily. She lives in Jacksonville so she had to meet us there. We all went to visit the Nigerian Crew as I like to call them:) I had too much fun! We made a dance video that Tiffany is gonna upload to YouTube. The guys cooked for us again. I had to get on Oto about his roaming hands...and tongue *ew* I HATE french kissing. So damn nasty. Call me a prude if you want to. I also had to stand up to him about my stance on sex-none til marriage that is. :) He had some problems with that, but after I stood firm, reprimanded him, and threatened to leave, he got himself together pretty quickly. You have to stand your ground with men. Anyways, I am not sure how Emily and Chris will fair but I know Chris really wants her but she is a little scared. She had fun though. Tiffany and Duff really get along well and will probably end up dating soon.
Me and Tiffany continued our tradition of stopping for ice-cream at Baskin Robbins on the way home (after we turned around on 92 to go back to Daytona to fetch her sunglasses that is; she'd left them in Duff's room. lol.). Oh how love my Tiffany girlie. But-I could never forget about my bestie Miss B tho:) She's the total best bestie ever!
Anyways, yesterday I went to the Dirty D. (Daytona Beach) with my friend Tiffany and we bought another one of our mutual friends, Emily. She lives in Jacksonville so she had to meet us there. We all went to visit the Nigerian Crew as I like to call them:) I had too much fun! We made a dance video that Tiffany is gonna upload to YouTube. The guys cooked for us again. I had to get on Oto about his roaming hands...and tongue *ew* I HATE french kissing. So damn nasty. Call me a prude if you want to. I also had to stand up to him about my stance on sex-none til marriage that is. :) He had some problems with that, but after I stood firm, reprimanded him, and threatened to leave, he got himself together pretty quickly. You have to stand your ground with men. Anyways, I am not sure how Emily and Chris will fair but I know Chris really wants her but she is a little scared. She had fun though. Tiffany and Duff really get along well and will probably end up dating soon.
Me and Tiffany continued our tradition of stopping for ice-cream at Baskin Robbins on the way home (after we turned around on 92 to go back to Daytona to fetch her sunglasses that is; she'd left them in Duff's room. lol.). Oh how love my Tiffany girlie. But-I could never forget about my bestie Miss B tho:) She's the total best bestie ever!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Memorial Day
Let us all remember the brave men and women who fought and gave their lives defending our great country. Memorial Day isn't about bbq's, cook outs, and a day off from work or school; it's about showing gratitude for our servicemen and women. They truly are American heroes. So if you love your freedom and our blessed nation, thank a veteran. Have a great Memorial Day everyone.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Give It To Me Baby
Today I went to visit my boo Oto (he's the best) and his friends in Daytona, and I took my lovely friend Tiffany with me. She and a guy named Duff really hit it off and I think that they are gonna start dating. He is a sweetheart so I am so happy for them. The boys cooked us Nigerian food and we ate so much! It was really tasty and I can't believe how many courses there are in a Nigerian meal! No seriously, I got a side stitch from eating so much lol. Me and Tiffany had a blast hanging with the guys today and we are going back as soon as possible; probably next week.
Friday, May 22, 2009
A Reform Has Come!
The President signed the Credit Card Reform Bill into law today! I am so excited because it means that greedy credit card companies will have less leverage to overcharge and abuse consumers. Credit cards are designed to keep you in debt and the credit cards companies have got that down to a science. President Obama criticized policies that allowed for confusing fine print; the sudden appearance of unexplained fees on bills; unannounced shifts in payment deadlines, interest charges or rate increases even when payments aren't late; and payments directed to balances with the lowest interest rates rather than the highest. The President also noted that nearly half of all Americans carry a balance on their credit cards, and that their average balance is more than $7,000.
Under the new Credit Card Reform, which goes into effect in nine months, prohibit companies from giving cards to people under 21 unless they can prove they have the means to pay the debt or a parent or guardian co-signs. Customers also will have to be more than 60 days behind on a payment before seeing a rate increase on an existing balance. Even then, the lender will be required to restore the previous, lower rate if the cardholder pays the minimum balance on time for six months. And consumers also will have to receive 45 days' notice and an explanation before their interest rates increase.
I am so pleased that change is coming to an industry that makes the bulk of it profit from confusing people with fine print and stealing from them with tons of extra compound interest rates that seem to just fall out of the fucking sky. Last year, the Nilson Report estimated that more than 700 million credit cards were in circulation in the United States. That's more than two cards for every man, woman and child. Yeah, that's some sad shit. Don't get me wrong, irresponsible spenders and obsessive shoppers are to blame too, but companies false advertise all the time, and then once you get a card with them they change the rules so many times it's hard to keep up with where your money is going and why? If we keep seeing changes like this coming from the Obama Administration then America will be well on it's way to getting these greedy capitalistic animal asshole induastries under control. I hope he targets the oil industry next;)
Under the new Credit Card Reform, which goes into effect in nine months, prohibit companies from giving cards to people under 21 unless they can prove they have the means to pay the debt or a parent or guardian co-signs. Customers also will have to be more than 60 days behind on a payment before seeing a rate increase on an existing balance. Even then, the lender will be required to restore the previous, lower rate if the cardholder pays the minimum balance on time for six months. And consumers also will have to receive 45 days' notice and an explanation before their interest rates increase.
I am so pleased that change is coming to an industry that makes the bulk of it profit from confusing people with fine print and stealing from them with tons of extra compound interest rates that seem to just fall out of the fucking sky. Last year, the Nilson Report estimated that more than 700 million credit cards were in circulation in the United States. That's more than two cards for every man, woman and child. Yeah, that's some sad shit. Don't get me wrong, irresponsible spenders and obsessive shoppers are to blame too, but companies false advertise all the time, and then once you get a card with them they change the rules so many times it's hard to keep up with where your money is going and why? If we keep seeing changes like this coming from the Obama Administration then America will be well on it's way to getting these greedy capitalistic animal asshole induastries under control. I hope he targets the oil industry next;)
Let's Talk Politics
Why Can't We Just Move Past Bush?
First off, let me say how overjoyed I was to read this article below and finally see someone telling the damn truth about much the mistakes and faults of the Bush Era is still looming over America's head like a bad odor. As much as everyone (including me sometimes since I am a staunch Obama supporter) would like to believe Obama and his administration can erase the harm done by the previous administration and just keep it moving-they can't. Because it's impossible. Not until there is a point where this new administration comes clean about all the illegal stuff that went on during those eight years (real transparency) and fully gains the American peoples' trust in Government back by doing so, we are never gonna escape the ghost of President Bush past.
http://bit.ly/19ztiZ
Some Desperately Needed Relief For Consumers
This past Tuesday (May 19), the Senate in a 90-5 vote, passed a bill to restructure the way the credit card industry does business. In a time where hundreds of thousands of people are currently unemployed and the economy is in a recession (partly do to the credit card industry), I am happy to see Congress stepping up ad doing more for the people and less for business. The bill could be sitting on President Obama's desk waiting to signed into law as early as Friday (May 22). If the President signs it like is expected, the bill would give the credit card industry nine months to change the way it does business: Lenders would have to post their credit card agreements on the Internet and let customers pay their bills online or by phone without an added fee. They'd also have to give consumers a chance to spare themselves from over-the-limit fees and provide 45 days notice and an explanation before interest rates are increased. Some of these changes are already on track to take effect in July 2010, under new rules being imposed by the Federal Reserve. But the Senate bill would put these changes into law and go further in restricting the types of bank fees and who can get a card. For example, the Senate bill requires those under 21 who seek a credit card to prove first that they can repay the money or that a parent or guardian is willing to pay off their debt if they default.
http://tiny.cc/qrhoM
Guard Us With A Watch Dog
The Obama Administration is considering creating a new committee or agency to serve as a watch dog over big business to make sure that a crisis like the one we're in now doesn't happen again. There's no question that corporate America's greed and abuse of power coupled with a non attentive previous administration (or non caring previous administration, whichever you prefer. I was trying to be a little nice for once lol) got us here. There is also no question about whether or not big business needs to have more federal restraints. The answer is totally yes, but I just hope that the Obama Administration doesn't create a whole new monster with this new committee. If this new committee is put together right and really does it's job by really enforcing the regulations and laws put into place by Congress then this committee can be a blessing, but if they are just gonna pussy foot around and be there for show then we may as well not have them. They will then prove to be more troubles as they will have to begin to answer to clash with the Securities and Exchange Commission and the various bank regulatory agencies.
http://tiny.cc/X9klF
Gas Guzzlers vs. Obama's New Plan
Yay! Obama is doing something environmentally friendly and putting together a plan that would mandate that automotive dealers make all their vehicles average 35.5 miles per gallon. Obama also wants to put into place a national emission standard that vehicle manufacturers have to adhere to in order to reduce the greenhouse gases put out into the environment by cars and trucks. President Obama outlined his administration's plan to end dependence on overseas oil by curbing vehicle emissions, calling the initiative a historic turning point toward what he calls a "clean-energy economy." He said, "As a result of this agreement, we will save 1.8 billion barrels of oil over the lifetime of the vehicles sold in the next five years," said Obama, joined in his announcement by leaders of the auto industry, labour, government officials and key national and state political leaders."And at a time of historic crisis in our auto industry, this rule provides the clear certainty that will allow these companies to plan for a future in which they are building the cars of the 21st century." In my opinion, this could really work if the administration follows through and gets the auto industry to commit to start developing new innovative ways to build cars more efficiently and with less impact on the environment and a smaller (or even more perfect, none) reliability on gasoline.
http://tiny.cc/cyCSr
First off, let me say how overjoyed I was to read this article below and finally see someone telling the damn truth about much the mistakes and faults of the Bush Era is still looming over America's head like a bad odor. As much as everyone (including me sometimes since I am a staunch Obama supporter) would like to believe Obama and his administration can erase the harm done by the previous administration and just keep it moving-they can't. Because it's impossible. Not until there is a point where this new administration comes clean about all the illegal stuff that went on during those eight years (real transparency) and fully gains the American peoples' trust in Government back by doing so, we are never gonna escape the ghost of President Bush past.
http://bit.ly/19ztiZ
Some Desperately Needed Relief For Consumers
This past Tuesday (May 19), the Senate in a 90-5 vote, passed a bill to restructure the way the credit card industry does business. In a time where hundreds of thousands of people are currently unemployed and the economy is in a recession (partly do to the credit card industry), I am happy to see Congress stepping up ad doing more for the people and less for business. The bill could be sitting on President Obama's desk waiting to signed into law as early as Friday (May 22). If the President signs it like is expected, the bill would give the credit card industry nine months to change the way it does business: Lenders would have to post their credit card agreements on the Internet and let customers pay their bills online or by phone without an added fee. They'd also have to give consumers a chance to spare themselves from over-the-limit fees and provide 45 days notice and an explanation before interest rates are increased. Some of these changes are already on track to take effect in July 2010, under new rules being imposed by the Federal Reserve. But the Senate bill would put these changes into law and go further in restricting the types of bank fees and who can get a card. For example, the Senate bill requires those under 21 who seek a credit card to prove first that they can repay the money or that a parent or guardian is willing to pay off their debt if they default.
http://tiny.cc/qrhoM
Guard Us With A Watch Dog
The Obama Administration is considering creating a new committee or agency to serve as a watch dog over big business to make sure that a crisis like the one we're in now doesn't happen again. There's no question that corporate America's greed and abuse of power coupled with a non attentive previous administration (or non caring previous administration, whichever you prefer. I was trying to be a little nice for once lol) got us here. There is also no question about whether or not big business needs to have more federal restraints. The answer is totally yes, but I just hope that the Obama Administration doesn't create a whole new monster with this new committee. If this new committee is put together right and really does it's job by really enforcing the regulations and laws put into place by Congress then this committee can be a blessing, but if they are just gonna pussy foot around and be there for show then we may as well not have them. They will then prove to be more troubles as they will have to begin to answer to clash with the Securities and Exchange Commission and the various bank regulatory agencies.
http://tiny.cc/X9klF
Gas Guzzlers vs. Obama's New Plan
Yay! Obama is doing something environmentally friendly and putting together a plan that would mandate that automotive dealers make all their vehicles average 35.5 miles per gallon. Obama also wants to put into place a national emission standard that vehicle manufacturers have to adhere to in order to reduce the greenhouse gases put out into the environment by cars and trucks. President Obama outlined his administration's plan to end dependence on overseas oil by curbing vehicle emissions, calling the initiative a historic turning point toward what he calls a "clean-energy economy." He said, "As a result of this agreement, we will save 1.8 billion barrels of oil over the lifetime of the vehicles sold in the next five years," said Obama, joined in his announcement by leaders of the auto industry, labour, government officials and key national and state political leaders."And at a time of historic crisis in our auto industry, this rule provides the clear certainty that will allow these companies to plan for a future in which they are building the cars of the 21st century." In my opinion, this could really work if the administration follows through and gets the auto industry to commit to start developing new innovative ways to build cars more efficiently and with less impact on the environment and a smaller (or even more perfect, none) reliability on gasoline.
http://tiny.cc/cyCSr
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Bubbly Babble
I hung out with my most awesomest friend Miss Tiffany yesterday and today. We had a blast watching Family Guy DVD's, untangling and reorganizing her jewelry in her jewelry box, eating alphabet tater tots and dino chicken nuggets, playing online, talking to Nigerian boys, and setting up her twitter account. I also saw the movie the Dark Knight for the first time today at her house. Ledger's performance was amazing! I am sure however, that most of you already know that because until today I was part of a small number of people who hadn't seen the movie lol. These last two days have been really fun and have me feeling kinda like the old me again. I used to be much more social before my anxiety disorder struck. I am finally starting to get comfortable again with going out and being with friends for long hours, driving at night, and being somewhere other than home (my safe zone). I am so thankful for that. I am even considering going to the mall tomorrow and passing out my resume and fill out applications. I passed out my resume and applied to a few places about two weeks ago. Nothing yet but I'm hopeful I'll have something before the month is out. I also applied for stuff on snag a job dot com as well.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Excusssssseeeee Meeeeeee!
Just for the record, it really pisses me off to live in a house where I am not free to use everything in it. I didn't know I was such a fucking leper. Excuse me for thinking that if I contributed to the household and am part of the family that I should be able to partake in the using of all the stuff in it. I guess I was wrong.
Fuck This Shit!
I get so damn sick and tired of being sick and tired! I swear to the heavens above, I have no idea why things have to be this way. Why do I have to suffer?! Why do I have to have anxiety?! Why can't I lose weight?! Why can't my doctor just fucking prescribe me a medicine that works?! Why can't I find a nice American boy who isn't an asshole?! What is it with Oto?! Why did I have to cross paths with him and give me yet ANOTHER thing to have worry about and guilt trip over?! Why can't I just have more normal, sane people in my life?! Why do I have to do the food shopping and make sure that everyone has something to eat?! What is gonna become of us when I go to D.C. to intern?! (let me first off say that I am going to D.C. whether I have to take out a loan or not) When will I be able to stop worrying about finances and enjoy my life?! Why can't I find a summer job?! What am I supposed to do now that I am done with college?! Where will I find the money to continue my education and get my Masters and Ph.D.?! When are things going to go back to being normal?! That last question is the one that scares me the most because I am so terrified that this has become the new normal. You know what, tonight I ate a tomato sandwich-I HATE tomato but I ate it because there was nothing else around that I felt like eating. I have been practically living off of McDonald's for the past 2 weeks and I so am tired of it. I just want consistency and stability in my life again so I can get off these anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills and start living my life again. Is that too much to fucking ask?!
"Talking to myself and feeling old. Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothing ever seems to fit." -Karen Carpenter
"Talking to myself and feeling old. Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothing ever seems to fit." -Karen Carpenter
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Blue Moon
I am feeling kinda blue and bummed. Which is kinda weird when you consider that my new nickname name is sunshine (given to my by my kinda ex Nigerian boyfriend). It hasn't stopped raining here all week. It started Sunday and is supposed to keep going all through the week. *sigh* Anyways, on the bright side, I am going to conquer my fear of driving in the rain, driving at night (although I have done it once since my panic attack and it was alright), and driving in the rain at night (since I am pretty sure it will be raining tomorrow night since it's rained every night since Saturday night), and take Tiffany to hang out in Daytona and go visit my Oto tomorrow afternoon/evening. I am excited because I think that it is now possible for Oto and I to work through a lot of these cultural differences we have which led to the demise of the relationship to begin with. We talked about a lot; like how I hate his constant calling, moving too fast, and some words he says that I don't really like. He has agreed to change and has apologized. It's weird though because half of me is still kinda angry at him for putting me in this situation to begin with...for him liking me.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Well, it's Monday here
Well, it's Monday again here folks. But hopefully it is also Friday night somewhere else lol. Anyways, the day has been dreary and it's not even 9AM yet. It's been raining and pouring and lightning and storming. It's like that song by The Carpenters, "Rainy days and Mondays always get me down." Today it is indeed both a Monday and a rainy day. In fact, it stormed just about all yesterday too. Bad weather seems to play on my anxiety issues too; sucks the energy and motivation right out of me. Also, I am missing my bestie Bea terribly, and I am beginning to be really rather angry at how far apart we are in miles. Damn it, I want her here! Sometimes I really wish I had a genie in a lamp like Aladdin lol.
Anyways, I got another early morning text from Oto this morning (Oto my Nigerian kinda ex. Kinda ex because I never really considered us dating for those 5 days to begin with. Clearly something else was going on in his mind though). This is really becoming pathetic. It said something to the tune of "How r u this morning? Hope u r not offended of me sending you text now too. Take care." Saturday I had to tell him that the calling 10 times a day was very annoying and inappropriate. And homefry had the nerve to get pissed when I didn't always pick up the phone or call right back. I swear he has all the early characteristics of an abuser. I have no idea what the hell they do in Nigeria (and frankly, I don't wanna know) but what I do know is that shit like that isn't going to fly over here in America. I just wish he would disappear and go back to the Motherland.
Anyways, I got another early morning text from Oto this morning (Oto my Nigerian kinda ex. Kinda ex because I never really considered us dating for those 5 days to begin with. Clearly something else was going on in his mind though). This is really becoming pathetic. It said something to the tune of "How r u this morning? Hope u r not offended of me sending you text now too. Take care." Saturday I had to tell him that the calling 10 times a day was very annoying and inappropriate. And homefry had the nerve to get pissed when I didn't always pick up the phone or call right back. I swear he has all the early characteristics of an abuser. I have no idea what the hell they do in Nigeria (and frankly, I don't wanna know) but what I do know is that shit like that isn't going to fly over here in America. I just wish he would disappear and go back to the Motherland.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
What A Friend I Have In Bea
Last night my bestie called me to tell me that she was concerned about me due to the fact that she had been reading my blogs lol. I told her that I just kinda felt like I was kinda going under and fighting a big current all by myself. I told her I felt like there was no one on planet Earth who knew or cared about how I felt. I told her that I usually just keep to myself because everyone close to me either doesn't understand (either because they choose not to or they just can't comprehend it) or I don't want to burden others with my personal problems in a world where everyone has their own battles to fight. She then reminded me that we're best friends and that we're in things together so that I could always talk to her about anything and she would listen and understand. She told me that she loves me and doesn't want me to feel sad. She also reminded me that because everyone has their battles and struggles that is why we need others to talk to about what we're feeling. And by telling me all this, she once again reminded me why she is my bestie and how blessed I am to have her in my life. :)
Room To Breathe
I know I probably sound like a bitch, but I fucking hate how my sister uses my computer in my room when there are 2 other ones in the recreational room. I am looking at you Desiree.
Watch and Learn Ya'll!
This video is so dang funny while showing peoples' ignorance and prejudices at the same time. You gotta look at this video! I hope all the homophobic lames out there watch this and see how stupid they really sound to educated people!
http://bit.ly/qV6TO
http://bit.ly/qV6TO
Saturday, May 16, 2009
You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself!
What is it about sex that makes people want to risk everything for it? People throw away a great family life, a good job, respect, their reputation and name, relationships, and dignity all for the pure unlasting satisfaction of physical lust. I am obviously venting here, but just bear with me for a couple of minutes. A recent "rather unfortunate event" that has happened to some people that I know and used to respect until now, has me asking this question to you tonight in a blog. Why do humans (namely men. Even though I know women can be just as immoral and show just as much indiscretion as men, but statistics really speak volumes on this topic. Stats confirm that 70% of married men have or are cheating on their spouses. While 48% of women have been unfaithful.) seem so undisciplined when it comes to maintaining monogamy?! I mean gray wolves, condors, beavers, coyotes, barn owls, bald eagles, swans, and even termites mate for life, so why the hell can't humans?! What is so tricky about keeping "it" at home and only having intercourse with your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc?
You always hear about politicians (look at the John Edwards, Gary Condit, and Bill Clinton fiascoes just to name a few more notable one), celebrities, respected members of society, and "regular" people who get into trouble over their sex addict ways and unethical actions. It has become far too common in our society to hear that a couple is splitting up because of the infidelity of one spouse and people just shrug and go "okay, and..." Like cheating alone isn't enough to warrant the "love of your life" walking out on the cheater. It's like it's normal or okay somehow because it happens so often in our society. That is so sad! We have become so desensitized and demoralized as a nation that values like honesty, faithfulness, equality, and treating others as you would want to be treated have been put on the very back burner and ignored. I think that a nation that claims to be one of the best in the world should start upholding loyalty to one another as a priority.
You always hear about politicians (look at the John Edwards, Gary Condit, and Bill Clinton fiascoes just to name a few more notable one), celebrities, respected members of society, and "regular" people who get into trouble over their sex addict ways and unethical actions. It has become far too common in our society to hear that a couple is splitting up because of the infidelity of one spouse and people just shrug and go "okay, and..." Like cheating alone isn't enough to warrant the "love of your life" walking out on the cheater. It's like it's normal or okay somehow because it happens so often in our society. That is so sad! We have become so desensitized and demoralized as a nation that values like honesty, faithfulness, equality, and treating others as you would want to be treated have been put on the very back burner and ignored. I think that a nation that claims to be one of the best in the world should start upholding loyalty to one another as a priority.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Moo MutherFucker
Pay no mind to the title of this blog. I am just writing to help with my anxiety. My head has been spinning and floating at the same time. My mind doesn't feel like it's working and my depth perception is all screwed up (so even though I know that the keyboard is less than 2 inches away from me, through my eyes it looks like it's a mile or so away) The meds I take make me sometimes feel like I am floating out of my body. I know, it's pretty effed up. I am just trying to control my thoughts: fear of death, fear of being the craziness (pretty unavoidable in my life though lol), depression, and frustration. I am fighting the nausea and dizziness. I am tying to ignore my pounding heart with it's irregular beat and trying to get comfortable when I am all sweaty...great. Sometimes people need a vacation from being them. I am going to try some meditation. That has been helping lately.
Oh, and I have not picked up the phone or called him all day. I also put that bxtch on silent. I am tired of that constant calling shit. It makes me bat shit crazy and drives me completely up the wall! Why are the crazy, irritating assholes always the ones interested in me?!
Oh, and I have not picked up the phone or called him all day. I also put that bxtch on silent. I am tired of that constant calling shit. It makes me bat shit crazy and drives me completely up the wall! Why are the crazy, irritating assholes always the ones interested in me?!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Ain't Nothin' But A Heartbreak
Today I felt like total shit and I think I almost passed out while on the road-scary. I was trying to ween myself off of my anxiety meds because they have some suckie side effects. However, the withdrawal symptoms were just too much to take and I gave in...whatever. I am so fucking over being mad at this anxiety. I am just going to give up and take my fucking meds for the rest of my damn life I guess. Since everyone around me believes that this is something that I choose to have, my support system is pretty shaky. I cried today after I was forced by the extreme nausea, dizziness, fogged mind, and blurred visions, and muscle pains to take my pills. I could barely function. I wasn't even sure if I was alive or not. I swear this isn't fair. I was a good a person who helped people and never did drugs (not even weed or cigarettes) and barely touched alcohol and I still get this shit. I know I am whining but I can't seem to help it anymore. I am trying so damn hard to be positive and all but it gets so hard. I want the old me back. Oh, and I also found out recently that chocolate seems to upset my anxiety. I love chocolate but I guess I won't be eating it much anymore.
Damn it, I still don't have a job. I think I might have to start looking at retail even though I swore that this summer I was going to put my foot down and never work it again. For people who have or do work retail, you know how much it blows, for the people who have never worked at it, count your blessings.
Also, Oto still calls like 15 times a day. I am going to have to seriously change my number. He's getting very annoying.
Damn it, I still don't have a job. I think I might have to start looking at retail even though I swore that this summer I was going to put my foot down and never work it again. For people who have or do work retail, you know how much it blows, for the people who have never worked at it, count your blessings.
Also, Oto still calls like 15 times a day. I am going to have to seriously change my number. He's getting very annoying.
Serve Me Up Another Drink
I hung out with my girl Tiffany yesterday by the pool at her apartment complex and had so much fun. We swam and gabbed about guys the whole day. I seriously needed a girls' day out. Oh, and her place (which I have affectionately dubbed as "the playpen") is so cool! It's like a bachelorette pad or something. She even has a blow-up mattress with matching oriental vintage bed set. She has magic burritos and grown-up fruit roll-ups (organic fruit sticks!). And we have a date to hang with the Nigerian guys next week! Me and her will definitely be hanging out all the time this summer.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
It's Done.
I broke up with my boyfriend. I know, big surprise right. I just wasn't really feeling it. It was totally weird how it started to begin with anyways. Also, there were some things about him that didn't add up. I am just glad it is over with. He seems like a good guy and I wish him all the best in the future.
On The Road Again
I went looking for a summer job today. I dropped of resumes everywhere: private law offices, political offices, banks, court house, state attorney office, etc. This was an awful time to get out college it seems! But God doesn't make any mistakes so I am sure everything will be alright soon. Anyways, my jewelry is a hit! I got over 40 order today:D Whoo-hoo! I just need the ring bases and toppers to get here so I can make some more. They should be here this week, maybe Thursday.
Missing the Old Way
So yesterday was my very first week day as an "adult" done with my B.A. studies. I was supposed to go look for a summer gig since I go to D.C. in August. But I wasn't feeling too well since I didn't have one of my medicines for two days because it was out of refills and the doctor had to call in a new one. The doctor wants me to start taking it twice a day instead of once a day like I have been doing. However, the insurance company that pays for it only wants me to take it once a day (I like it better that way too. I am scared of taking medicine. I hate it!). SO this needs to be straightened out this week. Luckily for me my pharmacist was nice of enough to give me about 10 capsules to hold me over until we get this resolved. The withdrawal symptoms were seriously yuck.
Anyways, I am going to try to make up for yesterday today and get all dolled up in Dr. McCoy's professional dress and go look for a job at city halls and law offices and anywhere else other than retail lol. Damn it, I have a B.A. now, I shouldn't have to hang up clothes and clean up nasty ass dressing rooms. I would rather answer phones and send faxes!
Oh, me and Tiff have a play date to go to the beach sometime this week! I am so excited! She's super cool and not one of the racist assholes like most in this county.
Also, I got my ring bases yesterday (I had to go pick them up from the post office since I was supposed to sign for them and I wasn't here that day. I think I was at graduation rehearsal or something.) and was able to make some really cute jewelry. I made Marilyn Monroe rings, cute heart cake rings, bow rings, kawaii skull rings, colorful flower rings, and glass bead rings. They came out really cute. I went and sold some at my mom's school yesterday afternoon when I came to pick her up (mom's still not ready to drive yet so soon after her illness).
Yes, I am still dating Oto (the Nigerian man). Although I really wish I wasn't. He is really serious about this relationship and I'm not. Why do I always get the immature jerk-offs when I'm looking for more, and then when I just wanna have some fun, I get the man ready to be married within the next month?! Do things ever work out how they're supposed to?! I kinda like hearing his voice but hate taking his calls. He is so boring. Always asking the same shit? I didn't think I would ever say this, but I MISS being single. I kinda wish I had never met Oto. Anyways, I'll have this resolved soon enough.
Okay, I am going to start getting dressed now. The quicker I get started job hunting the faster I can have a job.
Anyways, I am going to try to make up for yesterday today and get all dolled up in Dr. McCoy's professional dress and go look for a job at city halls and law offices and anywhere else other than retail lol. Damn it, I have a B.A. now, I shouldn't have to hang up clothes and clean up nasty ass dressing rooms. I would rather answer phones and send faxes!
Oh, me and Tiff have a play date to go to the beach sometime this week! I am so excited! She's super cool and not one of the racist assholes like most in this county.
Also, I got my ring bases yesterday (I had to go pick them up from the post office since I was supposed to sign for them and I wasn't here that day. I think I was at graduation rehearsal or something.) and was able to make some really cute jewelry. I made Marilyn Monroe rings, cute heart cake rings, bow rings, kawaii skull rings, colorful flower rings, and glass bead rings. They came out really cute. I went and sold some at my mom's school yesterday afternoon when I came to pick her up (mom's still not ready to drive yet so soon after her illness).
Yes, I am still dating Oto (the Nigerian man). Although I really wish I wasn't. He is really serious about this relationship and I'm not. Why do I always get the immature jerk-offs when I'm looking for more, and then when I just wanna have some fun, I get the man ready to be married within the next month?! Do things ever work out how they're supposed to?! I kinda like hearing his voice but hate taking his calls. He is so boring. Always asking the same shit? I didn't think I would ever say this, but I MISS being single. I kinda wish I had never met Oto. Anyways, I'll have this resolved soon enough.
Okay, I am going to start getting dressed now. The quicker I get started job hunting the faster I can have a job.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Awesome Story Below
http://clutchmagonline.com/newsgossipinfo/clutch-fam-happily-ever-after-stories-of-black-marriages-and-why-they-work/#2
I wish the media would highlight this kinda stuff about Blacks. Everything these couples is saying is so very true. I can't wait for the whole documentary set to come out this summer.
I wish the media would highlight this kinda stuff about Blacks. Everything these couples is saying is so very true. I can't wait for the whole documentary set to come out this summer.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Graduation Day! (PART 2)
I have been so busy with family and friends this weekend that posting on my graduation day events and happenings slipped my mind. Anyways, here it goes. To sum it up: It was even more wonderful than I expected it to be. I had to get up at like 5:30AM because I had to be there at 7:45AM. I was late and got there at 8:10AM but I still had more than enough time to do what I needed to get done. Hell, there were people who came right on up to 15 minutes before we started to line up to walk into the auditorium. The ceremony was good and long. Good but a little too long. But when I walked across that stage (I graduated magna cum laude by the way) it was the most powerful and uplifting feeling ever. I was so proud. I think the only ones more proud of me were my family. The class of 2009 was the biggest graduating class our university has ever seen. We made history baby! It was kinda emotional too.
Me and all my friends were hugging, taking pics, crying, getting each other's new e-mails and addresses. I know we will keep in touch. Then my family took me and my boyfriend out to eat at Ruby Tuesdays to celebrate. I had a blast. The day was great! I was tired at the end of it and slept from 7:45PM all the way to 4:30AM. I have really enjoyed my time as a student at my university. When I first started there in August 2005 it felt like just a school, however as I spent more time there and made friends that I know will be lifelong friends, it began to feel like a second home. I will truly miss it. I am getting kinda teary eyed just typing this lol. I will always continue to support my alma mater (Bethune-Cookman University) morally, spiritually, and financially just like the Alumni pledge says.
Me and all my friends were hugging, taking pics, crying, getting each other's new e-mails and addresses. I know we will keep in touch. Then my family took me and my boyfriend out to eat at Ruby Tuesdays to celebrate. I had a blast. The day was great! I was tired at the end of it and slept from 7:45PM all the way to 4:30AM. I have really enjoyed my time as a student at my university. When I first started there in August 2005 it felt like just a school, however as I spent more time there and made friends that I know will be lifelong friends, it began to feel like a second home. I will truly miss it. I am getting kinda teary eyed just typing this lol. I will always continue to support my alma mater (Bethune-Cookman University) morally, spiritually, and financially just like the Alumni pledge says.
Kinda Pissed Off
So, the guy I am dating (yes, the Nigerian) is pretty cool and I like a lot of stuff about him. BUT (and this is a pretty big but in my book), I feel like he is rushing things along and trying to put words in my mouth and trying to get me to make commitments that I am not ready to make (basically because I've known him for about 2 weeks). I feel a bit like I am being scammed....but I am trying to not rush to conclusions and give him the benefit of the doubt. I really don't wanna sound like I agree with stereotypes about Nigerians about them all being scammers because I have met a lot of good, honest, decent ones in my lifetime. I just hate it when people try to bamboozle me ya know. He also calls like damn near 20 times a day. That shit has to stop for sure.
The reason I feel that he is moving so fast is because in Nigerian culture, single people aren't counted as anything. They are not looked on as having value as a member of the adult and political society. He is 25. Most people at that age are already married or are engaged in that country. I believe you can put this picture (2+2) together. I believe he likes and really cares about me and has decided that he can live with me as a wife so he's trying to get me in deep in this quickly so I don't realize what's happening soon enough and turn back. Not happening son! I am really an African Queen...Queen Bitch that is. Which means no one involves me in anything unless I want it.
And I know I don't want to be married living in Nigeria and pregnant within two years. My plans are for here in the good ole U.S. of A. Me and him are gonna have a serious talk about this and if I still feel this way, it's done. I am telling you, if he tries something the words of my dear friend Ms. Keke Montgomery are gonna ring very true for the both of us: "Someone's going to county (county hospital), and then someone's going to county (the jail)." Guess which I'll be going to. Hint: It won't be to the hospital that's for damn sure.
The reason I feel that he is moving so fast is because in Nigerian culture, single people aren't counted as anything. They are not looked on as having value as a member of the adult and political society. He is 25. Most people at that age are already married or are engaged in that country. I believe you can put this picture (2+2) together. I believe he likes and really cares about me and has decided that he can live with me as a wife so he's trying to get me in deep in this quickly so I don't realize what's happening soon enough and turn back. Not happening son! I am really an African Queen...Queen Bitch that is. Which means no one involves me in anything unless I want it.
And I know I don't want to be married living in Nigeria and pregnant within two years. My plans are for here in the good ole U.S. of A. Me and him are gonna have a serious talk about this and if I still feel this way, it's done. I am telling you, if he tries something the words of my dear friend Ms. Keke Montgomery are gonna ring very true for the both of us: "Someone's going to county (county hospital), and then someone's going to county (the jail)." Guess which I'll be going to. Hint: It won't be to the hospital that's for damn sure.
A Blog For Mama
I love Mother's and Father's Day because it's a chance for me to honor my parents and show them how much I really care and cherish them (even though I do that everyday. And so should you!) Mother's Day is a recognized day on the calendar for people to set aside and do something nice for one of the most important and prominent figures in your life-your momma. My mother is one of the most amazing people I have ever met; and I'm not just saying that because she's my mom either. She has had to overcome a lot in her past and she still managed to raise great kids and a wonderful family. She has a huge heart and is the most caring and compassionate individual you could ever hope to meet. I really do wanna be just like my momma when I grow up lol. So no matter what you choose to do for you mom, whether it be to make her breakfast and buy her some flowers and a card (like I did), or do the dishes and laundry for a day, or just give her a big ole hug and say those three words that we usually don't say enough to the ones we love the most (hint: I love you). But you don't have to just celebrate your mom on this day. Remember to also give thanks for all the other great and inspirational women who have made an impact on you. I also use this day to show my aunts, female mentors, elder women in the church who give great advice, and any other women who have contributed to my life, how much I appreciate them. So from me to all of my readers, I want to wish all the moms and magnificent women out there a very happy and blessed Mother's Day!
Friday, May 8, 2009
GRADUATION DAY!
Tomorrow is the big day! I graduate from college after 3 1/2 long years of hard work. I still can't believe it. I am honestly probably gonna even cry. As I have mentioned before, I have met my best friends at college (people I know I will keep in contact with through out life). College kids really do have the most fun. I am so excited! Today we had graduation rehearsal for like 4 hours (it was so long and I was starving) and I could already feel the excitement and pride of that wonderful moment tomorrow at 10AM. I can't wait! I have to be at the Auditorium at 7:45AM tomorrow morning (though I know most people will get there late like today). I will write about how it goes tomorrow. I have to call my grandma again and see if she's really coming tomorrow. Oh, and my boyfriend (the Nigerian boy I spoke of earlier) is coming. Ciao!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Update Me Miss Gabby
In breaking news, today Maine's governor signed a freshly passed bill approving gay marriage. This makes Maine the nation's 5th state to legalize Gay marriages. Maine Gov. John Baldacci, a Democrat who hadn't indicated how he would handle his state's bill, quickly signed it.
"In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions," Baldacci said in a statement read in his office. "I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage."
The vote by the Maine Senate was 21-13, with one lawmaker absent. The bill authorizes marriage between any two people rather than just between one man and one woman. I for one am very happy about this because this now brings the New England region one step closer to being fully for same-sex marriage. New Hampshire legislators are also poised to send a gay marriage bill to their governor, who hasn't indicated whether he'll sign it or not. If the Governor of New Hampshire approves the bill then that mean that just Rhode Island would be the region's sole holdout.
Moving on, Cinco De Mayo recently passed, and while many just view this as another day to go and get pissy drunk and party til 4am (like Americans really need a holiday as an excuse to do that. They do it all the time.), it actually has legitimate value. Cinco De Mayo is a date of great importance for the Mexican and Chicano communities. It marks the victory of the Mexican Army over the French at the Battle of Puebla. Although the Mexican army was eventually defeated, the "Batalla de Puebla" came to represent a symbol of Mexican unity and patriotism. With this victory, Mexico demonstrated to the world that Mexico and all of Latin America were willing to defend themselves of any foreign intervention. Especially those from imperialist states bent on world conquest. As you can hopefully now see, Cinco De Mayo is NOT the Mexican Independance Day (which so many stupid people think that it is). Mexican Independence happened on September 16, 1810; there's nearly a fifty year difference people.
Moving On, Bank of America is now joining the growing list of irresposbile asshole corporations that are now coming to the Government with their hands out looking for a handout-I mean bailout. Whatever. I am so over these people and their spending and short falls. They want $34 Billion?! I just need like $500,000 and I'll be straight. lol. Where do I get in line?
Moving On, President Barack Obama, facing criticism over huge budget deficits, will propose on Thursday shaving $17 billion from a 2010 budget that will still hover around $3.5 trillion, administration officials said. About half of the proposed cuts would come from the defense budget, and a total of 121 programs in areas including education would be trimmed or scrapped, one official told a conference call with reporters.
Even with the spending reductions, the White House's own estimates suggest the deficit will be $1.17 trillion next year. Congressional analysts believe the gap could be $1.4 trillion. Obama officials said the administration would look for further cuts in the 2010 fiscal year, which starts on October 1.
Also, President Barack Obama won a fresh promise from the leaders of Pakistan and Afghanistan on Wednesday to work together to defeat AL Qaeda, and vowed he would make "every effort" to avoid civilian deaths. Keep your fingers crossed for peace guys. I hope they keep these promises (because so many leaders and politicians rarely do ).
"In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions," Baldacci said in a statement read in his office. "I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage."
The vote by the Maine Senate was 21-13, with one lawmaker absent. The bill authorizes marriage between any two people rather than just between one man and one woman. I for one am very happy about this because this now brings the New England region one step closer to being fully for same-sex marriage. New Hampshire legislators are also poised to send a gay marriage bill to their governor, who hasn't indicated whether he'll sign it or not. If the Governor of New Hampshire approves the bill then that mean that just Rhode Island would be the region's sole holdout.
Moving on, Cinco De Mayo recently passed, and while many just view this as another day to go and get pissy drunk and party til 4am (like Americans really need a holiday as an excuse to do that. They do it all the time.), it actually has legitimate value. Cinco De Mayo is a date of great importance for the Mexican and Chicano communities. It marks the victory of the Mexican Army over the French at the Battle of Puebla. Although the Mexican army was eventually defeated, the "Batalla de Puebla" came to represent a symbol of Mexican unity and patriotism. With this victory, Mexico demonstrated to the world that Mexico and all of Latin America were willing to defend themselves of any foreign intervention. Especially those from imperialist states bent on world conquest. As you can hopefully now see, Cinco De Mayo is NOT the Mexican Independance Day (which so many stupid people think that it is). Mexican Independence happened on September 16, 1810; there's nearly a fifty year difference people.
Moving On, Bank of America is now joining the growing list of irresposbile asshole corporations that are now coming to the Government with their hands out looking for a handout-I mean bailout. Whatever. I am so over these people and their spending and short falls. They want $34 Billion?! I just need like $500,000 and I'll be straight. lol. Where do I get in line?
Moving On, President Barack Obama, facing criticism over huge budget deficits, will propose on Thursday shaving $17 billion from a 2010 budget that will still hover around $3.5 trillion, administration officials said. About half of the proposed cuts would come from the defense budget, and a total of 121 programs in areas including education would be trimmed or scrapped, one official told a conference call with reporters.
Even with the spending reductions, the White House's own estimates suggest the deficit will be $1.17 trillion next year. Congressional analysts believe the gap could be $1.4 trillion. Obama officials said the administration would look for further cuts in the 2010 fiscal year, which starts on October 1.
Also, President Barack Obama won a fresh promise from the leaders of Pakistan and Afghanistan on Wednesday to work together to defeat AL Qaeda, and vowed he would make "every effort" to avoid civilian deaths. Keep your fingers crossed for peace guys. I hope they keep these promises (because so many leaders and politicians rarely do ).
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Keep Your Head Up
The stress of the past few days and the emotional roller coaster has been a little more than bearable. Not only have I been running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to make preparations for my college graduation day this Saturday (i.e. I still need a dress, my hair done, pick-up tickets, and attend pre-graduation functions like rehearsals at my university), but my mother has been very ill and I have been trying to take care of her and worry about trying to fix everything. I (along with my sister) have also been trying to keep the house running smoothly by doing all the chores she usually does. Things have been really hectic and stressful. It's hard for me to see my mother feel so bad and she works so hard at her job and is the nicest, sweetest person ever. I totally see where that cliche question "Why does it seem to rain the hardest on the people who deserve the sun the most?" came from. They were clearly talking about my mom and other people like her. My mother is the most strong-willed and determined lil' 135 pound lady you could ever meet.
My mom has high blood pressure (hypertension) issues which causes extreme dizziness, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, and horrible migraines. Over the past 2 years or so she has had her gal bladder removed, a complete hysterectomy, and another major surgery which I am not going to name. Over the past 3 years she has also had countless trips to the hospital due to complications from surgery or medications, or because the doctors just didn't know what was wrong with her so they just sent her to the ER. Once she even collapsed at work and they had to call the ambulance. To top it all off, we just found out today that she has cysts on her thyroid which could have been causing the hypertension all along but no one caught it until now. I am praying that surgery is not the only answer for that. The recovery process is so awful.
It's so heartbreaking to see my mother go through this. And of course, the stress and frustration from being sick cause her to feel depressed and blue a lot; so it takes a big toll on her emotionally as well. Not only does it stress me and my siblings out but the stress it puts on my daddy is terrible too. It frustrates and hurts him to see his wife in agony and there is nothing he can do to fix it. He is a real tough trooper though. He schedules the majority of her doctor's appointments and gets her medicines straight, he spends hours online and on the phone researching her conditions and possible remedies, and even fusses at the doctors and staff when he feels they aren't doing good enough. However, I can't let him worry to much and run himself in the ground because he's got his own health issues.
So I just called and got my momma a sub teacher for tomorrow (she's a teacher) and made her some food. She hasn't had much of an appetite though. :/ I just want her to be okay you know. I want the old her back. The one that laughed 24/7 and had energy and zest coming out of the wazoo. I just want everything in my world to be...okay. So if you're a person of faith, just pray for my mother and out family next time you're talking to God.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Can't Touch This!
So I have this guy who likes me. He is Nigerian and seems to be really nice. I just don't know what to make of him though. He seems really sweet and he showers me with compliments like 24/7 (not to mention he calls and texts me like 5011x times a day!). He tells me I'm beautiful (DUH! Men tell me that all the time) and calls me "sunshine" (whatever that means...). I just don't trust men/guys in general because they are so damn flaky and...dishonest. Their species is pretty fucked up. I know women have got their problems too (backstabbing, jealous, nosey-ass bitches), but men pull that nonchalant and in-their-own-world type of stuff that just bugs me to no end. They pretend to like you and give you all the "GO" signs and make you think that they really want to be with you and then they just pull away so unexpectedly for no damn reason. They do a complete flip; I'm talking Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll type thing.
They don't even care that they hurt you and cause emotional distress. I know that every guy is different, but this seems to be a common trait with them. What is a girl supposed to do? So as you can imagine, the way I feel about fellas mixed with the fact that this guy is Nigerian (I am the furthest thing from racist/prejudice but I just don't know much about their culture or courting; which makes it even harder to decipher his true intentions. You can read all the damn books written on Nigeria and the people and listen to every university lecture given on the topic, but that still doesn't tell you anything because you're not from there so you are already at a disadvantage when dealing with someone from there. And that goes with any foreigner), makes me even more leery. I will just have to wait and see how this goes. I am really curious to see what type of information or new experiences being his friend will yield. I'll definitely be writing about this in future blogs. lol.
They don't even care that they hurt you and cause emotional distress. I know that every guy is different, but this seems to be a common trait with them. What is a girl supposed to do? So as you can imagine, the way I feel about fellas mixed with the fact that this guy is Nigerian (I am the furthest thing from racist/prejudice but I just don't know much about their culture or courting; which makes it even harder to decipher his true intentions. You can read all the damn books written on Nigeria and the people and listen to every university lecture given on the topic, but that still doesn't tell you anything because you're not from there so you are already at a disadvantage when dealing with someone from there. And that goes with any foreigner), makes me even more leery. I will just have to wait and see how this goes. I am really curious to see what type of information or new experiences being his friend will yield. I'll definitely be writing about this in future blogs. lol.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Eww...
I just got done helping my father clean out and re-organize the laundry room (which it always seems that the most cluttered room in your house is always one of the biggest). There is nothing to bring your mood down in the shitter quite like cleaning... I hate to clean because for some reason it depresses the hell out of me. It also seems that the things that really depress me are always the things I HAVE to do or the things I have to do the most of. Really crappy. No wonder I take 50mg of Pristiq a day.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Letters To You
Dear ******&***,
I am sorry that almost nothing I do is ever good enough for you. However, I am not really as bothered by it anymore as I used to be, seeing how nothing anybody ever does is good enough. You take everything way too seriously and you don't know how to relax and enjoy life, which is why your life sucks so bad. It's totally not cool how you make everyone around you feel like crap and run people who care about into the ground. To be completely honest, I believe that you are 85% the cause of my panic attacks which lead to my disorder. I am so proud of myself for beginning to not care (I never though that I would ever say that about anything). Anyways, I guess the main point of this blog is to tell you that I refuse to let you run me crazy and soul-less like you've done yourself.
Yours Truly,
Gabby
p.s. oh and ****** , dust is the least of your problems....
I am sorry that almost nothing I do is ever good enough for you. However, I am not really as bothered by it anymore as I used to be, seeing how nothing anybody ever does is good enough. You take everything way too seriously and you don't know how to relax and enjoy life, which is why your life sucks so bad. It's totally not cool how you make everyone around you feel like crap and run people who care about into the ground. To be completely honest, I believe that you are 85% the cause of my panic attacks which lead to my disorder. I am so proud of myself for beginning to not care (I never though that I would ever say that about anything). Anyways, I guess the main point of this blog is to tell you that I refuse to let you run me crazy and soul-less like you've done yourself.
Yours Truly,
Gabby
p.s. oh and ****** , dust is the least of your problems....
100 Days: To Sum It Up
I know I am a little late with this but I am going to sum up Obama's 100 days myself and in my own words. I am listing what I believe to be the most important accomplishments of his first 3 months in the Oval Office. CNN and all those other news peeps have nothing on me!
In his first 100 days in office, Obama has:
1.) Signed an order to close Guantanamo Bay within the year
2.) Signed into law an expansion of the State Children's Health Insurance Program designed to extend government health care to roughly 4 million children.
3.) Got a Stimulus Plan passed to help resuscitate the nation's economy that includes tax increases for the wealthy and tax breaks to working families.
4.) Showed Americans the light at the end of the Iraq tunnel by promising to "remove all U.S. troops" by the end of 2011.
5.) Helped America to gain some of its credibility back with the Muslim and South American world
6.) Released CIA memos detailing the torture techniques used against "suspected" terrorists by the Bush Administration (and how the CIA destroyed most of the tapes that would incriminate them).
7.) Put down the AIG uprising and began to create a Government that holds big business accountable for their spending of tax dollars and practices (i.e. job outsourcing)
8.) Met the Queen
9.) Dealt with Somalian Pirates and showed them who was boss
10.) Lifted all restrictions on Cuban-Americans to visit their homeland and send money to family members there. In an executive order, Obama also authorised U.S. telecommunications companies to apply for licenses to do business in Cuba in what the White House described as an effort to increase the flow of information to the Cuban people.
11.) Has effectively handled the swine flu by keeping communications between the public and top U.S. Health Officials and agencies
In conclusion, Obama's Presidency has already yielded some real changes for the better in this nation and I can't wait to see what the first year holds.
In his first 100 days in office, Obama has:
1.) Signed an order to close Guantanamo Bay within the year
2.) Signed into law an expansion of the State Children's Health Insurance Program designed to extend government health care to roughly 4 million children.
3.) Got a Stimulus Plan passed to help resuscitate the nation's economy that includes tax increases for the wealthy and tax breaks to working families.
4.) Showed Americans the light at the end of the Iraq tunnel by promising to "remove all U.S. troops" by the end of 2011.
5.) Helped America to gain some of its credibility back with the Muslim and South American world
6.) Released CIA memos detailing the torture techniques used against "suspected" terrorists by the Bush Administration (and how the CIA destroyed most of the tapes that would incriminate them).
7.) Put down the AIG uprising and began to create a Government that holds big business accountable for their spending of tax dollars and practices (i.e. job outsourcing)
8.) Met the Queen
9.) Dealt with Somalian Pirates and showed them who was boss
10.) Lifted all restrictions on Cuban-Americans to visit their homeland and send money to family members there. In an executive order, Obama also authorised U.S. telecommunications companies to apply for licenses to do business in Cuba in what the White House described as an effort to increase the flow of information to the Cuban people.
11.) Has effectively handled the swine flu by keeping communications between the public and top U.S. Health Officials and agencies
In conclusion, Obama's Presidency has already yielded some real changes for the better in this nation and I can't wait to see what the first year holds.
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