I get so damn sick and tired of being sick and tired! I swear to the heavens above, I have no idea why things have to be this way. Why do I have to suffer?! Why do I have to have anxiety?! Why can't I lose weight?! Why can't my doctor just fucking prescribe me a medicine that works?! Why can't I find a nice American boy who isn't an asshole?! What is it with Oto?! Why did I have to cross paths with him and give me yet ANOTHER thing to have worry about and guilt trip over?! Why can't I just have more normal, sane people in my life?! Why do I have to do the food shopping and make sure that everyone has something to eat?! What is gonna become of us when I go to D.C. to intern?! (let me first off say that I am going to D.C. whether I have to take out a loan or not) When will I be able to stop worrying about finances and enjoy my life?! Why can't I find a summer job?! What am I supposed to do now that I am done with college?! Where will I find the money to continue my education and get my Masters and Ph.D.?! When are things going to go back to being normal?! That last question is the one that scares me the most because I am so terrified that this has become the new normal. You know what, tonight I ate a tomato sandwich-I HATE tomato but I ate it because there was nothing else around that I felt like eating. I have been practically living off of McDonald's for the past 2 weeks and I so am tired of it. I just want consistency and stability in my life again so I can get off these anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills and start living my life again. Is that too much to fucking ask?!
"Talking to myself and feeling old. Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothing ever seems to fit." -Karen Carpenter
No comments:
Post a Comment