FUCKING SUCKS!

*Side bar: I changed my layout because I needed something colorful and bright to hopefully raise my spirits a little. I hope you like it (but if you don't I don't really give a shit). Annie said she loves it and that made me feel good though.

I just cried for about 5 minutes because I got really sad that I am starting to feel like shit again. I have insomnia right now which is probably obvious to you by how late (or early) I am up writing this. I just took my 100mg of Pristiq pill to hopefully take the edge off of the anxiety and it's physical symptoms. It takes awhile to kick in though. I am feeling jittery and my back and chest and muscles around my throat hurt. :( I just wanna be okay. Why is it that I was doing pretty damn good for awhile and then I start to go South?! I think I am going to ask my doctor to please prescribe me some Xanax or Paxil. We were trying to avoid that because they are addictive but I think the time has come where I need it unfortunately. My friend Betsy from dailystrength.org told me that low levels of GABA (orgamma-aminobutyric acid) are responsible for anxiety, panic, and bipolar disorder. Betsy is also a fellow anxiety and panic attack sufferer. I did some research, and come to find, out she's pretty much right on. GABA is a calming and regulating neurotransmitter. So this GABA stuff definitely has a vital role to play in our brain's functioning and stress management and our mood. It fucking sucks peanut butter balls that chocolate isn't good for GABA because I love chocolate and sweets, but everytime I eat them I feel like shit; so I guess it's time for me to give up something else I love for this shit monster of a disease. Please excuse my foul language and frustrated ranting. Anyways, here are some good links below that I found that tell you about GABA and that tell how to raise it.

http://holistic-nutrition.suite101.com/article.cfm/gaba_foods_the_natural_antianxiety_diet

http://www.denvernaturopathic.com/news/GABA.html

http://blog.plantpoisonsandrottenstuff.info/2008/10/29/gaba-and-diy-for-bipolar-disorder/


Oh and also here is a message that Betsy sent me when I told her about how bad I was feeling after a panic attack. This might help someone too.

Imbalance in brain chemistry can really SUCK! You asked what makes your brain tell you that you are dying? From everything I can find to read about it, GABA is the culprit. We don't make enough of it. I take Xanax to supplement my GABA; I have such a good feeling of confidence and well-being at first and then over time it seems to wear off and I (could) need a higher regular dose. This is why doctors RESIST benzos like Xanax because they have to be adjusted. There are other drugs on the market that improve the imbalance and some that are time released. Unfortunately, our brain gets used to us supplementing it and then (simplistically speaking) makes less to keep it at the lower level our brains must want to keep the level at.

The key for me is to learn how to prevent anxiety and panic, NOT by avoidance and worrying but by figuring out ways to keep the GABA levels higher (like normal): meditation/naps/self-hypnosis daily, staying away from chocolate/sugary foods & beverages, coffee, alcohol, etc., and instead eating foods that naturally raise GABA by raising tryptophan, like eggs, almonds, cheese, etc. Also, I've had to learn how to talk to myself when and if a panic attack or anxiety hits. "This is just anxiety," "This is just adrenaline," "No one know how they will feel in 10 minutes," and so on. Basically, what will help to calm you instead of feed into the panic and pour out the adrenaline into my system causing panic which causes tunnel vision, dizziness, heart palpitations, etc.

Talk to your doctor. Do you see a psychologist for "talk" therapy? This time around the talk therapy has done wonders for me. Also reading books. Most of all this therapist started me from day one journaling my successes and worries. First thing in the morning I write. From other books I've read I added to it how my anxiety feels by rating it from 0-100 (100 being worst) and I also date and time when I write. By doing this I can go back and see patterns AND see that I AM getting better. Check list: Do you exercise? Do you listen to relaxation audios? Do you stay away from caffeine, sugars, chocolate, alcohol? Do you go to bed at the same time each night and get a good solid 7-8 hours of sleep a night? All these things help with GABA and have helped me tremendously hun.

Good luck, Betsy