Heavy Heart

My heart is feeling more than a little heavy right now. I am sitting here writing this while I battle with a throbbing headache, blurry eye sight, and strong feelings of depersonalization (The symptoms of depersonalization include a sense of automation, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it, feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one's body; out-of-body experience, a detachment from one's body, environment and difficulty relating oneself to reality). Yep, it's the anxiety again. I am in the process of detoxing off one of my meds too. I just quit taking it. It was making everything worse (including the anxiety that it was supposed to be treating).

This past week has been pretty gloomy with regards to: all the bad thunderstorms, power outage, the water being cut off for 8 hours (There was an accident on Sunday and the car took out a fire hydrant. We were without water for 8 hours and then when it finally came back on, we had a boil water alert that just ended today. My family always has tons of water bottles on hand because we only drink bottled water, but not being able to shower or use the faucet for 8 hours sucked. I was just about to take a shower so I could settle in to watch the Lakers vs. Magic game when the water stopped. It came back on at 3AM), a psycho-stalker ex boyfriend calling and harassing me and then having his friends harass me via Facebook, withdrawal symptoms from me quitting one of my meds., my sisters not giving me any privacy, my family always being on my back, and then dealing with an overall sense of being overwhelmed from not knowing the answer to the question, "What's next in my life?"

But all of the stuff that has been bugging me and that I have been battling with in the last year was made to seem like chump change compared to the news I got yesterday. I found out that one of my long time friends from my old church youth group has a large brain tumor that is inoperable. The doctors were talking about maybe doing chemo but then they just sent him home. They figured it probably won't do much good anyways. Everyone is praying for a miracle. I am praying so hard for him and hoping that he pulls through because he's such an amazing guy. Not that you would want this to happen to anyone, but it couldn't have happened to a less deserving person. That news really hurt me and terrified me. He's only a few years older than me (he's 26) and has been married for a little over two years.

News like this reminds us that even though we might like to think that we have all the time left in the world left, no man or woman is ever promised tomorrow. Nor is he given a number of how many more sunrises he has left to see. That is why cherishing each day as a blessing and being thankful and giving praise to God for each hour is so important. Life is so precious and too important to take for granted, and all too often we don't realize how good life is until we hear about something terrible like this happening to someone else, or God forbid, it happens to us. I am going to make a vow right now to stop obsessing over the small stuff and worrying about nothing.

I just really hope that my friend will be okay and pull through this to be able to live the long, happy life that he, and all people, deserve to live. Please pray for him. ♥

I think I learned to appreciate and treasure each day, because you don't know how many you're going to be given.-US Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor